i'll try to add as many details without giving away personal information but i can give more back story in the comments -

i went no contact with family at 18 and moved to the us for a fresh start - i danced from 18-21 and made 100k each year, i grew up poor with terrible financial habits and even less knowledge on what to do and how to save. i blew through my savings but i successfully provided for myself, traveled, sent money to family brought a car and always maintained my credit and home . i started to feel lost and like there was no end, i didn't know how to improve my life and build - i quit dancing to be in a relationship, he paid for my education, rhinoplasty, braces and covers my rent, car and note and i get 2 or 3k allowance a month. he makes 400k a year so he's not broke but he has other $$$$ children,college,alimony so he's limited for funds. during that time i had no job and just schooled and i really enjoyed the peace i had, it worried me that i couldn't save but i also was completing different things that took time which i was okay with . now all those things are over, i'm working a part time job - i make around $250 a week working 15 h which has actually become grueling for me, i enjoy a vanilla job and the clients but i physically can not save or provide for myself, i recently became orphaned (i'm now 23) and the anxiety from my parents death makes me not even want to live, i feel a lot of pressure to be financially stable and build a safety net for myself, my bf understands this but he thinks i should be patient and work the normal way . i deeply disagree at this stage of my life and really could use the head start it would give me as a young woman now. realistically i want to save 50k by the summer or more if reasonable . i have 0 cc debt and 5k in savings but i have unpaid taxes, ez pass debt, my credit is poor and i'm just not happy . on the surface our relationship is great, but being financially insecure deeply troubles me . i do love him and i'm scared to lose him because i know he will never accept this . " he takes care of me " but it's not enough and i feel so conflicted - i don't have friends or family to talk to about this or ask advice 😢