This is more aimed at my people of color out there — or people with very, very textured kinky or curly hair — do you wear your natural hair out at work? And if so, have you noticed a difference in your earnings, confidence, how you are perceived, or the type of clients you attract?

CONTEXT: I work in a gentlemen’s club in Southern California. It’s 18 fully nude. (Working in California is really tough, don’t get me started!) 🙅🏽‍♀️

There are only five black women including myself and counting one young lady who is the waitress. There is another dancer who looks like she is black/can pass for black but I think she is actually Puerto Rican or Dominican or something (I’m not entirely sure her background).

I have tried just about everything. I have danced wearing wigs, weaves/sew-in extensions, drawstring ponytails, or straightening my natural hair, or in some cases just going completely natural and wearing my curls out…

I was wondering if you guys noticed a difference in treatment depending on the hairstyle, especially in mixed/white clubs. 🤔

I work in a gentlemen’s club, so it’s sort of like because of the culture in these clubs, it’s like we as black women have been brainwashed to believe that we have to fit into these beauty standards or the aesthetic of the club if we want to keep our employment there, be treated better, be seen as attractive/compete… Is it just me, or does it seem like very antiquated, outdated…? Like black women are still being made to feel like we are the “least desirable” race in these clubs, but people of color are doing very well in the music scene and in reality television and all over social media and things like this… Like, why are these clubs still living in the Stone Age? 🤔

Look, I wasn’t trying to make this a race thing. But these are complicated issues, and I’m just trying to make sense of all this… 😔😓

I had to take a break from the weaves to give my hair a break and let my scalp breathe, and release all that tension from having my hair braided up… I also like being able to swim (you’re not really supposed to get your hair wet while having a sew-in). It’s also kind of nice to have people see me for who I really am. You know… with my real features and everything. The weaves were also getting really expensive. Curly hair gets frizzy and is hard to maintain, and I hate losing length due to shrinkage, but right now I am really into being natural. Especially for summertime and summer activities, stuff like that… There are pros and cons to curly hair though. It’s really annoying and time-consuming to style it, frizzy/sweating out throughout the shift, I have to keep rewetting it and scrunching it frequently. For real, I’m jealous of you girlies who can just run a brush through your hair & go — you must have it so easy! UGH. 😔😣😓

Sometimes I wonder if the hair really matters. 🤔 Like which came first, the hair extensions or the confidence? You know? Sometimes guys will get dances, and it seems completely RANDOM. For example, I literally have had times where my hair was a frizzy mess/I was having a bad hair day, the curls weren’t falling properly, or my nails were all busted and raggedy looking — and I still managed to get VIPs somehow! Whereas other times when I came to work all done up — lashes on, 30” bundles bussdown weave flowing down my back — I was told “you can be intimidating to guys.” 🙄 It’s getting hard for me to maintain this “stripper image.” It’s expensive and everything, and most of the time people don’t even appreciate it. But then again, it’s hard to tell.

I have experimented with different looks & styles. And I STILL feel insecure, even after forking out tons of money on “enhancements” & things... Sucks. 💆🏽‍♀️💇🏽‍♀️👱🏽‍♀️👩🏾‍🦰👩🏽‍🦱🙍🏽‍♀️🤵🏽‍♀️👩🏽‍💼🧖🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Like obviously I want to look my best & attract the high-end clients…

When going natural: I guess you have to have a take-me-as-I-am attitude. Like, zero-fucks-given, type of mindset. 🤷🏽‍♀️

It’s like. 😒 Guy friends in real life all tell me I’m sexy/hot/beautiful/they wanna fuck me. So tell me why then, do I get treated like absolute dogsh*t in the club? 💩

It’s sad. Body dysmorphia, insecurities, and the racism element takes it to another level.

I’m a light skin mixed biracial woman, so sometimes I do benefit from “pretty privilege,” but then sometimes I am also at the receiving end of racist behavior.

It’s okay, that people have a “type” or a preference. But it just hurts sometimes. I’m a super sensitive person.

You also need to understand that a lot of these guys LITERALLY get off on verbally abusing women/dancers. They enjoy degrading us, making us feel ugly/worthless, cheap/lowball offers for sex, making fun of our appearance, making us second guess ourselves and knocking down our confidence, comparing us, etc… So I try not to take it personally. People with class, or people with good hearts, don’t need to tear other people down to feel more powerful…

When I came back to work with my curly hair, some people were really sweet about it — gave me compliments, validated me. (Even the DJ, who is usually a jerk to me, he even told me I looked good. To which I was pleasantly surprised.) I got mixed reactions, though. Like, some people literally didn’t recognize me at all with my natural hair — and then some people literally said mean comments, bullied me, humiliated me about it… frustrating! 🤬🤬🤬

I have to find what’s healthy/what works for me, I have to find some kind of “baseline.” It gets exhausting, always having to modify ourselves to achieve this unreal standard of beauty and just feeling like we are never good enough, etc.

Everyone wants to feel accepted.

No one wants to feel ugly, in this line of work.

Some guys do like me with my curls but I feel like with the long-ass weave I was more conventionally attractive, I appeared more “bougie”/“glamorous,” and I was more “exotic-looking,” and could even “pass” for other races.

That’s why it annoys me when people say things like “do it for you” or “make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.” I mean. Let’s be real. No one gets a boob job for THEMSELF. Same thing with the weaves; we do it for the male gaze, it’s literally the nature of our job. Like it’s disingenuous, you know, like this whole narrative that we do these things for ourselves internally, when it’s obviously done for the male clients we are trying to attract. Like, why are we pretending??

We as black women are super sensitive about our hair. And strippers are already super sensitive and vulnerable, as it is. Just given the nature of the job. You know?

The hair topic is really stressful for me. My look/confidence is really fucking up my bag. 🤬

Sorry, I know that was a lot!!!

Basically, for my own hair health journey, I am ditching the straighteners and I am giving my hair a break from the weaves. But I do not get complimented as much, I find that I am not getting “picked” or “chosen” as much, and I have to FIGHT to sell a lap dance. It really affects my sales/it really fucks with my self esteem. 😟😔😫😭😢

Do you ever just feel like, we’re in a race to the bottom?

🖤💀💗

Anyways… 😮‍💨 Thank you for allowing me a space to share my intrusive thoughts. Love & light to all… ☮️✌🏽✌🏽