I’ve decided to begin transitioning so that dancing is no longer my primary source of income soon. This is years before planned.

Why?

My physical health never got better like I hoped. No amount of yoga, eating healthy, taking breaks etc fixed it. Sometimes I can’t even open things by myself, I get fevers, my body hurts. Every time I tried to work a consistent schedule, I would get fevers for literal days and be bed bound. And, the last time I got sick I was literally sick for over a month. This makes profit maximization harder for me.

The love of my life died. The aftermath was complicated. It devastated me and caused reactions i didnt expect. I hate other men looking at me, pursuing me, touching me. It also made me emotionally volatile and destroyed my motivation. My future crumbled beneath me. I don’t have the mindset to push myself for goals anymore. The happy, bubbly woman everyone knew is gone. Completely. This means dancing will cause more wear on my mental health now. It takes 2-3 times the amount of effort to keep up the “bubbly” act.

Following up on the above point, I started becoming more vulnerable. Ive kept myself under control but I am hanging on by a goddamn thread. I have the urge to just go off the deep end— and I can’t let myself get to that. It’s not that I don’t trust myself, it’s that I’m aware of how vulnerable I am right now. The last thing I want is to be bawling my eyes out and drink a ton to numb it. He wouldnt wanna see me like that. I need stability right now and the club isn’t the place for the vulnerable.

When it comes down to it— the transition is necessary. I won’t stop stripping all together and It’s going to take a while to do.. but it needs to go on the back burner when I get the chance. If you all remember, I originally planned to begin a transition years from now. The goal was to wait until I finished my AAS and would be trying for a baby. That went out the window. So I had to recalibrate, which I dislike greatly. But it had to be done.

This is important, which, is why I’m posting it. As a dancer on this sub I’ve given tons of advice. I’ve seen what the club does to the emotionally vulnerable.

It’s important to know how to look at your circumstances, mental health, physical health and come to a conclusion. Many people don’t and they end up trapped with no way out.

Know when it’s time to step back.