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Blessings to all as usual. I am still practicing, mainly with self-enquiry with meditation as a foundation. I figure I've written enough about my background and practice at this point :)
I've tried out some suggestions like noticing senses (sound, touch) and Mahasi noting with interesting results but I tend to stick with what seems to be working best.
I've been having more experiences during my practice, some of which seem to correspond to the Maps of Insight, and some of which do not. (same goes for xabir's models) From what I can
see, there are some commonalities to the path of progress (if not, why have a map?) but in my experience it has not been a linear progression. Some things that I experience are :
(I actually have spoken to xabir on multiple occasions, he thinks that these are just glimpses but not the "I AM")
Among things I experience are :
a) Bright lights, colors, vivid sensations
b) A sense of reality "thinning" and alternatively getting closer
c) Everything becoming more real and luminous
d) A kind and gentle voice speaking to me, usually at milestones in my practice, where it ushers me through mental gates
e) Moments of intense clarity in the now, accompanied by awareness of energy in my body, and usually joy (like "wow, just existing is so fun!")
f) Able to more and more realize when the mind is just chattering and pull myself back
g) This sense that I am present everywhere, as in the same "me" that is writing this is also the lamppost, the air etc. It's hard to put into words, the sense feels "in-between" and
conceptual.
h) Everything is occuring, and I am simply the holding space, or the observer of it all.
Some of these seem to correspond to the A&P...I'm not sure if I have had several A&Ps in my life, since I can recall therapy sessions in which I also experienced similar things.
My sense of "I" is now bigger than myself, and I sort of regret that language is limited in this regard. In my current understanding, small "I" is ego/mind (normal language I) and Higher Self/God is the real "I" There's not really an "I" to begin with, because if I ask myself "who is writing" the answer comes back as "the ego/mind part of bigger consciousness"
On a conceptual level, I believe in anatta and nirvana (i.e, everything is inherently empty, time, distance etc do not exist, there is not even an I) but I can't make the jump there yet as I don't experience it experientially. That's the whole point of me doing this, to get there :) I'm concerned that I don't jump too far - should I get used to "I" being consciousness first?
Like before I could get to the level where I am writing this, I had to believe it was possible. So there are "stages" in a way.
(This is where I can see the benefit of models, so that one doesn't completely get lost and can direct practice)
To all the people who write along the lines of "practice is no practice, just remember, don't add anything else" etc - I understand that all this is just realizing the base state of reality. But if it were that easy this sub wouldn't exist and I wouldn't need to post so much :)
In general always open about how to progress and grateful for all insights and assistance.
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