Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/stories/s/EeYenhqQOd

Sorry it’s been so long since my original post. I had really meant to update you all right after I moved out but life got hectic as you can imagine!

First a piece of advice for anyone with similar intentions. Maybe wait and do it a week after you turn 18 so you can open a bank account that doesn’t have your parents attached. You’ll see why here in a minute.

I’m going to try and do this chronologically but some of this happened almost a year ago.

So after I moved out Sunday during church Jenny and I hung out and celebrated my birthday. She took me to the movies, they were showing Punch-Drunk Love, my favorite movie! She suffered through it for me. She’s so great. Then we went for an early dinner. It was during this dinner that my phone started to blow up. Mostly from Grace. She was the only one I didn’t block. But also my aunt, who I hadn’t seen in three years.

Grace said mom was crying after reading my letter and Ted was angry. I asked if he had called me a bastard yet and Grace stopped responding. Something I didn’t mention in my last post and used to really piss me off is of Ted got really mad about me in a conversation with my mother, he would call me a bastard. I know they all heard it. My mom usually told him to stop, but after I started calling him by his first name it got worse. Mark started doing it to at school.

But I digress. My aunt kept calling and I finally picked up but never let her speak. I told her I was never going back to a house where I was treating like an unwanted, unloved burden and hung up. Then blocked her number. After that things went silent for the rest of the day.

School on Monday was difficult. Grace knew where I parked since I normally drove her to school and she was waiting at my parking spot. She said I had ruined the family and “both my parents” were hurt. I didn’t say a word and started walking into the school. She kept asking me how I could leave without a word and talk to her. I snapped I told her I loved her but said I wouldn’t have a conversation. She kept going so I said tell me how many times he called me a bastard and I’ll give you five minutes.

Seven.

I froze. No idea if she was making it up or not but acknowledging her daddy could do anything wrong was a huge step. I gave her 5 minutes. And definitely told her too much. I told her that she would never understand what I went through because she was Ted’s real kid. That I was never equal and was never loved. That I was, at best, a fifth wheel in your perfect little family. That if she really loved me, she’d understand why I couldn’t go back.

She just started bawling. And let me tell you, a senior making a freshmen bawl got the attention of many teachers. It wasn’t long before I was in the assistant principals office and then the guidance counselor. It was 3rd period before I was even allowed to go to class. It was the talk of the school by lunch.

Teachers would look at me sympathetically but no one really acknowledged it until Wednesday. I was in AP Calc and the guidance counselor called asking me to go to her office. I told my teacher no, I’d rather stay here. The whole class looked at me. She looked me in the eyes and said I was going to have to deal with it at some point. Acknowledging without saying that at least one of them was in the office as I suspected.

I walked to the guidance counselor’s office and she was waiting for me outside her office. She let me know “my parents” were here and we were going to have a talk about my future. I opened my mouth to say something but she was better prepared than Monday. She just held up her hand and told me to come in.

My mom and Ted were already in there, sitting side by side on her couch. I picked the chair farthest away and refused to acknowledge anyone. The counselor started with saying that everyone was in agreement that we needed to chat to figure everything out. I interjected. Everything is figured out, I’ve moved out and I don’t want to talk with them. Ted couldn’t help himself. What about insurance huh? What are you going to do when you’re not on your mom’s plan. Already have it through my work. He wasn’t expecting me to have thought of that.

What are you going to do in an emergency, my mom piped in. I have some money saved I say. You had money saved, she acted like she was correcting me. No, I have over $8k in my account. Again, mom corrected, you had over $8k in our account. I looked at her. Then grabbed my phone and opened the account. There was only $27.00 in it. How could you?

We deducted the cost of the stuff you took, Ted interjected. Before you know it I was screaming, Ted was screaming. Not my proudest moment but I was on my feet screaming trying to get Ted to call me a bastard. But he didn’t. When it was over, the assistant principal and two admins were in there breaking me and Ted apart along with my mom. I was livid. I looked at my mom, didn’t say anything and went back to class.

I had no idea what I was going to do but when I got to my car at the end of the day, Grace and my mom were waiting for me. My mom out her hand up as I started again and said, you can have it all back if you go to three family therapy appointments. I’ll put 1000 back after the first two and then the rest back after the third. She had me in a corner and she knew it. Fine, I said. Tell Grace to let me know when the appointments are.

The first therapy appointment was terrible. The therapist asked each of us for our goals. I asked to go last. My mom and Grace both said they wanted the family back together. Mark wanted me to be grateful for all his dad did and Ted said he wanted me to acknowledge all the stuff he did for me. This one really pissed me off, so when it was my turn, I decided to throw any hope of reconciliation and said I wanted Ted and Mark to stop calling me a bastard.

It went just as I anticipated. Screaming, crying and all of them blaming me. The next two weren’t any better, nothing go resolved. They pleaded with me to continue but once the money was in my account I transferred it to my new bank and cut contact again.

Things were pretty normal until Christmas. Jenny had posted a picture of me with her family on Christmas morning and it made my mother go a tad overboard. The day after Christmas she banged on my door and refused to leave until I spoke to her. When I opened it she was crying and handed me my present and a letter. The present was the criterion collection copy of The Master (what can I say, I love PT Anderson) and the letter was heartfelt. She acknowledged that Ted had never embraced me like she embraced Mark, that it was his biggest flaw but that she can’t figure out why I can’t get past it. He’s a great guy. She actually said that to me.

It just further cemented my belief that my mom needed him for her. She needed to be with a man. That’s fine but she chose one that hurt me, repeatedly. She has to live with the consequences of that. I can’t imagine we’ll ever have a relationship again. She continued to show up to my tennis matches and events. She somehow found out when I got accepted into Columbia and sent another letter congratulating me. Grace kept trying to get me to come home for family dinner. But I never did.

Then when I was told in April that I was valedictorian, the entire family showed up Friday night to “throw me a party.” They even forced Mark to be there. I was furious. Jenny was my rock through all of this. I’m not sure she ever fully understood but she accepted all of my emotional moments. When she got into UCLA that’s where I knew I was going as well. Not sure her dad is happy she is moving so far away, but she asked me to join her and I was more than happy to do that.

What made me think to post though was my valedictorian speech. I knew I wanted to talk about how the measure of a human being is about what they do when they have power. As I thought about Ted and where he failed. He failed because he had all the power over my well being and used it immorally. I couldn’t just call him out though. I had to make it universal. So it went:

The measure of who you are is what you do when you have power. Now power isn’t just money and status. Next year when you are at college and your roommate is struggling where you are thriving, you have power, when you are a stepparent responsible for the emotional health of a child, you have power, when you ride the bus and see someone uncomfortable with the system, you have power. How you act in those moments is the measure of who you are.

When the graduation was over, Jenny’s parents congratulated me on a great speech. I don’t think many noticed my subtle jab. But Linda and Ted did. Yes, my mom is Linda now. She came up to me and told me she was so embarrassed and sad about my speech, that I had no reason to call out “my father” like that. I smiled, and said, “okay Linda” and then walked away.

Jenny and I leave for LA next week. I received a scholarship that brought my fees down to below in-state tuition levels. Nearly a full ride. I don’t need them and, in fairness, I don’t think they need me either. I am having lunch with Grace before I leave: I feel terrible for how this has impacted her. My only regret.