Tomorrow I finally become an adult, at least by US law and I will be moving into my girlfriend’s uncle’s guest house for the remainder of my senior year of high school before college. My hope is to never talk to my family again.

Why you ask? The catalyst for this move really starts at my conception. My bio dad left my mom the minute she found out she was pregnant. She had me and was immediately a single mom.

She met Ted and they moved in when I was 2. He also had a son, Mark, who was 2. This is where the second problem emerges. While Mark’s bio mom died, mine was still alive. So my mom adopted Mark almost immediately after marriage but Ted never adopted me. They decided to force my bio dad to pay child support. They also had my half-sister a year later. So everyone in the family has Ted’s last name, except me. I have my mother’s maiden name.

You’ll notice I call my mom’s husband Ted instead of dad. That wasn’t always the case. I called him dad for almost my entire life. Because he was the only father figure I ever knew. But there were always small issues that made him different from a normal dad. When we were at family events my mom would refer to both Mark and I as her sons but Ted always corrected and said I was his adopted son. While Mark was his real son. Mark and my half-sister Grace would get special 1:1 time with Ted but I never did.

This got significantly worse as school progressed. I don’t know how to say this without coming across as an ass but I’m just significantly smarter than Mark. It’s just a fact. While he struggles to get Bs in classes, I got As in honors and AP classes, honestly with very little effort. School was easy for me and it showed in my report card. When this become noticeable in middle school it began to eat at Ted. I was a little young to notice it but looking back it’s so obvious.

When report cards came out, Ted would shower Mark and Grace with praise but mine was always met with jokes about how I could sleep through class and still get an A. Every compliment from Ted was always couched in a joke. At one point Ted wanted to limit how much money they gave me for A’s versus Mark but mom put a stop to it. But she never put a stop to Ted and Marks 1:1 time always leading to a larger purchase than I received in report card money.

As we got older Ted spent a lot of time bonding with Mark and Grace and little to none with me. My mom never did this with me. Or, in fairness, with any of the kids. She always liked hanging with us all together as a family.

When I was 15 and Mark and Ted were going on a camping trip. By this point I was fully aware that I was treated differently, and kind of wanted an explanation. So I had been prodding to join. Finally on the day of the trip, I kind of blew up and told him it’s unfair that I couldn’t join.

Ted took me aside and said that while he loved me, it was different. He needed to bond with his real children separate from the family and that I should try and get my mom to do bonding experiences with just her and I. I’m not sure what I was expecting but this conversation broke me.

After they left, I talked to my mom about it, and this somehow got worse. My mom knew and acknowledged that he acted this way and said she always ensured I got treated fairly when it came to money. She said he was most of the way to a father figure and I needed to figure out how to deal with it and be thankful for what he did for me. I was shattered.

When Ted returned, I stopped referring to him as dad. In my family’s eyes, this is where the problem started. For me, this was the culmination of their actions but for the family, I was ungrateful. My mom begged me to look at the bigger picture but I refused. For the next 4ish months I referred to him as Ted.

Then around Christmas, I’m 16 at this point, I get home from work and the entire family is seated in the living room waiting for me. It was really weird. They called it an intervention and all discussed how calling Ted by his first name hurt the family. Ted started, talking about how it pained him and how he had always tried to be a good father figure to me. My mom talked about all he had done for me. Mark discussed how ungrateful I was and how angry he was at me. Grace cried and said she wanted her family back and how I was destroying the family. This hurt. I loved Grace and while she was a daddy’s girl she always acknowledged that Ted treated me differently. If I lost Grace, I lost everyone.

I asked if I could speak and they said yes. And I discussed how he treated me differently, how I was the only one with a different last name and how I felt like an outsider. I started to cry and no one came to comfort me. Ted had the audacity to say, see this change is killing you inside. You don’t have to be an outsider, rejoin the family. Even my mom and Grace nodded in agreement. I couldn’t believe it.

It didn’t happen that day but slowly I started calling him dad again, just to keep the peace but it never felt right and I never forgave them. I had a lot of suicidal feelings. I spent months just dreaming of ending it. One day at work I was discussing how shitty Ted was and a co-worker, Jenny, suggested I start saving to move out. She said once you turn 18 you could get a place on your own. It was a great idea and started working and saving preparing for what I finally get to do tomorrow.

Jenny and I started dating, and an apartment eventually turned into her uncle’s guest house. He had been looking for a new tenant and I was able to give him 10 months rent upfront. That gets me through the school year to college. I’ve slowly been moving out without anyone noticing. Tomorrow while they are all at church, I’m going to grab my bed and the final items that I’m taking. I will also be leaving a note for my mom telling her I hope I can forgive her in time but right now my anger toward her is at a boiling point.

I know that leaving will end all financial support but honestly, if Jenny hadn’t suggested moving out, I’m not sure I would have made it. I was starting to get very specific in my plan to end it. I don’t know if she’s the one or if we’ll even date past high school. She’s staying local for college and I need to leave. But I couldn’t have done this without her and I’ll always love her for her for her help and encouragement.

I’ll try and update with how I’m doing after the move is finalized. Wish me luck!