My boyfriend is great, for the most part. I just can't deal with the pressure of my life and emotions and want to throw away anything that can cause me future conflicts.

My family were my biggest bullies, and I decided to not talk to them anymore for a duration of 4 or 5 months, last year. I have no friends and no distant family members. I know no one, except my boyfriend. The only people that text me is him and my boss.

When I decided to leave my family alone completely(that means no more spending on them, emotionally and financially) I was so lonely, that was before I got with my boyfriend. It felt like I was going through withdrawals, even though they treated me poorly. I can't help to feel attached to them... They're all I have, technically. Romantic relationships are fickle compared to blood. I just like the familiarity of them and it hurts my heart that I'll never truly be loved by them.

But anyway, my boyfriend is nice. Despite the two times he said things that upset me, and apologized... those two times are carved into my head. I can't help but think, what else will he say, and what will I do? Because I know it will happen again, it's the part of him I notice he tries to hide. I heard how he talks to his mother, and it frightened me. Not like I was scared for my life or anything. More like, "Im too sensitive, I don't want that to be me." I don't know how I will react if he does. I'd probably just walk away quietly and never talk to him again.

But, before that happens, I want him to find something that makes sense.

On paper, we don't make sense. He's in denial, and I'm a people pleaser.

He doesn't understand how broke I am... he's from the suburbs, and he stays with his parents for free, and he can spend his money on whatever he wants, and he literally can afford to have fun.

Currently, I stay with my brother, not freely, and he isn't responsible enough to pay his bills, and the lights were off for three days... Even though I gave him money, I'm too embarrassed to tell my boyfriend this. We had plans to hang out, but I couldn't do it, and told him to cancel everything because something came up. Right now, I'm working a job that pays change just to leave .

My boyfriend offered to help me financially, but I'm too scared he'll use it over me, plus I don't want to feel obligated to put up with someone who talks to me mean because they did something for me.

He did tell me that he thought he'd be with a rich college girl in the beginning. And low-key, I want him to find it. I'm too broke for friends and dating. We had sex the other day, despite me wanting to just be at home and drink my cheap little liquor alone. He wanted to hang out and have sex, I didn't mind, but he just thought that would help me, and it didn't. So, he nutted in me and I had to buy plan b. I'm too broke to have sex with him, and that's crazy to say.

But I just was thinking, if it was a rich girl, 50 bucks would be chump Change in her pocket. I think he likes the challenge my situation gives him. Makes him feel masculine . But I'm exhausted, and he has to understand that I can't keep up with him.

But he can get that with a woman that can afford all the things he wants to do. I don't understand why he isn't with the pretty feminine rich girl... I think he likes me bc I accept how feminine he is, and most woman that are pretty want to be the pretty one in the relationship. He isn't OK with that. He wants to be pretty too.

I just feel like we should be with people of our own social class. At least he should. He low-key mocks me for how I can't afford things, jokingly. But it hurts because being broke is my biggest insecurity. I feel so awkward when he wants to do things that are extravagant. But I feel guilty and mocked at the same time. I just don't know.