For over 3 years I have contemplated suicide. It all started 4 years ago when I got a TBI (traumatic brain injury) while in Afghanistan in the army. I’m not going to go into details on how it happened but let’s just say it’s ruined my life. First I had the ringing in my head, light sensitivity, pounding headaches and such. But since then I’ve had a deep depression which never waivers and a loss of my sense of self. I can’t sleep. I stay up till 3-4 am and just UGH. My brain cannot fathom the idea of rest. I sit there and contemplate ending my life. Taking a shot of buckshot espresso never seemed so appetizing. Just the thought of ending this unworldly sadness is all I can ponder sometimes and I can’t stand it!!! And 3 days ago… my best friend since 5th grade took his life… I’ve not done it yet purely on the fact that I have a kid that depends on me. But him… I never expected it. Turns out he inhaled helium until he passed out and died of oxygen deprivation. Seems like a peaceful way to go and I’m glad he went peacefully at least but he’s left me in shambles more than I already was. He was the only person I could ever talk to and I hope he felt like he could talk to me. He was so considerate. Even in his final moments he locked his door and put a note on his front door saying to call the police and not enter so his girlfriend wouldn’t have to discover him like that. Maybe I’ll see him soon. Love you all~Isaiah