I'm sorry if this is too long, I just didn't want to skip any details. This is the craziest thing that's ever happened to me.

I was never a very happy child. Was never consistently a happy teenager or young adult. Experimenting with drugs, and later, abusing drugs probably contributed to my lack of happy. Self harm was inevitable and came up very heavy. Several attempts on my life, a few of them even serious lol. I was fucked man, psychotic.

After one overdose and threat on my life, I ended up punching a cop in an ambulance. Boom I am now a felon. Only spend a month in jail before bail and end on ten years probation. That just makes it worse man I don't do anything. Stay in bed and eat benzos all day and tell people ima kill myself. I was just in a cloud of sad, it was so miserable.

I kept fucking up until they sent me away. I went to SAFP which is prison in my state but it's a 9 month "program" that you can get kicked out, so it wasn't as hostile as actual prison. Most people are just trying to get home and not looking to fuck it up. I did 15 months before I came home. I was sober for that 15 months. About 6 months in I started noticing.. like clarity, I guess. Came home and ended up leaving my 4 year old toxic af relationship. Relapsed twice, was failing tests for smoking. Still just generally depressed. Only a few minor cutting episodes but I was just not happy and didn't know how to be. Got sent away to a place called SATF which is also a 9 month program. Thats where I really started changing.

As absolute ass as that place and their rules were, they were smart and, I think, happy people. They taught good things. Mr. Davis showed us Alan Watts, Mr. Cross was a young and open minded man. Some staff were just plain cunts but it be like that. Some other residents in there motivated me to work out. I went on a diet and lost about 40 pounds and toned up in there. I read a few good books. Mostly fiction of course but some poetry and self-help books. Just started looking at things in a different perspective. The other residents there were actually amazing now that I'm thinking back. I had some loving people that really put up with my attitude when they absolutely didn't have to.

But something bad happened there too. I wasn't incredibly attached to this girl, but the one I was dating when I went away had spontaneously broke up with me and blocked me. And that was just it for me man, I wasn't fucking happy and I was locked up and I didn't know what to fucking do and that self-harm came back. Little trigger warning I may get semi descriptive here. It got so bad, my roommates pulled me aside because they noticed some toilet paper in the trash or my boxers covered in blood while I'm taking a shower(six of us shared one bathroom). The funny thing is, is I was so very careful to not get caught with any of that. I started leaving that shit around on purpose. I'm not sure why but I definitely wanted them to notice. Idk man, I was just manic af I suppose.

Well at that facility, after six months, you get to go to work! You still fucking live there and have to come back every night but if you're scheduled, you get to leave! So I went back to Chilis where I was working previously, and talked my GM into scheduling me everyday, so I was there all the fucking time.

When I came back to work, there was this girl working there I hadn't met before. Her name was Soluna. We got insanely close. Shes a hippie as fuck. I didn't necessary believe all her crazy stuff but she told me about reincarnation, about how we're all pieces of gods soul, she taught me to be grateful for small things, and to pay attention to the little bits of magic in the world. She taught me there is absolutely no such thing as coincidences. Magic things just happen in the world, you can blow it off or you can notice the magic. And once you start noticing the magic, you'll realize every day is magical.

So I'm like wow, 'Good thing this girl is gorgeous because she's fucking nutttttty.'

I was still 'locked up' at SATF and had to go back there every night. But I was scheduled to be at Chilis from 10am to 12pm most of the time just so that I didn't have to stay at the facility so me and Luna spent a ridiculous amount of time together. Her little Hippie shit slowly started impressing on me. I would wake up and do yoga. When I ate I would thank the food for its nutrition. Say hello to the sun, little weird things that just bring a bit of joy into the day. I was being more present in day-to-day life.

Things happened, and I did not complete the SATF program. I just ran. I didn't have anywhere to go. Soluna let me stay with her, but things were different. I knew I was going to prison, it was just a matter of time now. I was sad, of course. My cup was not full. And Soluna kept pouring into mine and it wasn't fair for her. My consistent bad mood was too conflicting for her bubbly self. We were getting upset with each other and she no longer wanted me to stay with her. I moved into another friend's apartment.

Maybe a week or so later was when I had the worst night I've had in a very long time. Super, super upset. I'm disappointed in myself for letting things get negative with this girl I've been building a great relationship with. I'm heavily drunk. And I'm upset I'm going to prison, upset I'm sleeping in this place I'm not comfortable at. Things got really bad, my mom actually responded to my text and came over to get me at like 8am and bandaged me up while sobbing and that was the last time I ever cut myself. This was probably early October of 22.

Skip forward maybe like a week. I have been drinking at the bar pretty heavy and come home. Liquid courage allowed to eat some mushrooms I've been sitting on. Probably about a gram I ate, then went to sleep. Didn't even trip. About the same thing the next night, just tiny colors behind my eyelids as I'm falling asleep. I don't want to give mushrooms all of the credit, I've been working on my head in tiny ways. I was just stuck in my old sad boy, nothings ever right in my life, mentality. Something changed so drastically those few days. I was just happier, and it continued to grow. I was just having great, fantastic days regardless of what was happening. I was waking up super early and going skating, going to work right from the skatepark, end up closing down the bar with friends and repeat most night. But something was happening, my energy was changing, the things I talked about were different. My friends were really getting fucking annoyed with my sudden toxic positivity lol.

Well, I was going really fast. I was so awfully tired this Tuesday morning. It was November 15th. The weather outside was a little cruddy and chilly, I think it had rained the night before a little. I really was looking forward to sitting down and playing some Rocket League for the first time in forever. Got a little stoned, booted up my PlayStation, and hopped on the game. I don't really get irritated like this, but my teammates were just fucking up awful and I was getting super frustrated. I shut my game off, I've been super happy and I didn't like how that was making me feel. Strapped up my vans, loaded up my bag, and hopped on my skateboard. It wasn't too nippy, once I got a sweat going.

I roll into the skatepark, and to my surprise there's actually somebody there. Sick, somebody to skate with. But as I get closer it's this BEAUTIFUL roller-skating baby. So naturally, I pull out all of my impressive tricks immediately. When I sit down to catch my breath, this absolute angelic woman approaches me. "Do you come up here often?"

Her name is Kathleen. She doesn't live here. Her sister is in Colorado for a hunting trip with her husband. Kat is watching her dogs while she's out of state. Kat is from a neighboring state, over 12 hours away. She is only in town until Sunday, this is on Tuesday. We really clicked right off the bat, like eerily, I remember explaining to my friend. I invited her for a drink sometime this week if she had the time. She said, 'I don't drink or smoke anything, but I do like to eat mushrooms." (This is a very sheltered looking good girl) I explained how I probably wouldn't be comfortable tripping with a stranger, but we can figure something out. We exchanged numbers and she left. I immediately text like 3 of my best friends that the craziest thing just happened. Even then I felt like.. a meant to be kind of thing. Like she already felt like a gift from the world to me. But I had no idea.

So, we make some loose ass plans for Thursday morning. We discuss what things we like to do; she loves to rock climb and hike and do active nature stuff. Well little baby has some Disc Golf discs in her car, so we meet at 9am on Thursday the 17th at Cobb Park. We get the game going immediately, but more than that, we're like 'close' immediately. I'm not one to mention weird thoughts like that, I don't fall for girls super easily but there is something happening to me here, and I don't want to scare this one away. But after probably 30 minutes, we're wrestling each other on this jiggly platform in the playground just laughing our asses off and pushing each other off this thing. We sit down for a breather, and she says it as I'm thinking it. She literally says, "Why am I so comfortable with you? I don't trust anybody."

I mention that I literally had the same thought in my head. Then I tell her about how I didn't even want to go to the skatepark that day, how it seems like fate. This girl gets so excited, "Bro I didn't want to come either!" She was wanting to come the day before, but it had been rainy and shitty, so she decided to wait until Tuesday, and even then, almost didn't get out. The entire day was just magic after that.

I don't even know if we finished our game or kept up with score. We were just entranced by each other. Just sharing our entire life's. She was definitely more closed off and anxious to share her traumas at first. Within the first hour she knew I was going to prison, and just trying to have the most meaningful time I can right now. We left her car at the park, and walked downtown to The Front Porch where we had coffee and chatted. Took some pictures with each other. We walked to Vagabond and shared a dessert, walked back to her car. Came back to Front Porch and played Phase 10 and Uno for hours just laughing and enjoying each other.

There is this place in my hometown, called the storybook park. Artists make sculptures based on children's books and place them there with quotes, and there is a lot of big stones with quotes etched into them. We were literally walking around discussing how we're thankful for the trauma and troubles we've been through, because we both love ourselves tremendously and wouldn't be these people that we love if we hadn't had gone through those things. We run into this quote from the Ugly Duckling...

"He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him." -Hans Christian Anderson

We both about cried. The magic in the air, the amount of love just between us was immaculate and we were both just so emotional all day.

We left the park holding hands.

Everything felt manipulated for us. Like as if the world was made and everything in everybody's lives happened for us to live this day with each other. This was our world, and we were embodying love. We were living a movie. We were living Art.

Her sister lives 30 minutes or so out of town so I hung out with my buddy while she fed the doggies, she didn't want to break her sisters trust by bringing a stranger to her nice little house on her land. My buddy was getting kind of sick of me ranting about this girl. I am on a crazy love high, my heart is just magic and happiness and this was our fucking day. Me and Kat decided we were going to skate for a little while when she was finished, but I had my friend sit up there with me for a second so he could see this girl to tell me that she actually exist. I legitimately felt like I could be imagining this day and women it was so magical.

He confirmed her existence, and we skated. She's many things this baby, including a photographer! So, all the skatepark buddy's were stoked and we're getting super gnarly pictures. We skate away from the park and goof around on this plaza and take super cute pictures and videos of the both of us. It's starting to get dark, so we start looking for other things to do. She's never been to Primetime and never played VR. So, we head to primetime to shoot some zombies! I have this video of her standing there waiting with her hands locked together and her green sweater that's just a little too big for her. She's looking away, but she turns her head and looks at the camera and smiles that sweetsweet smile that holds just a subtle hint of pain. I'm not sure if I can explain that properly, but it shows her beauty in a way you wouldn't be able to pull from a normal person.

We have a blast, and we play laser tag next! She's competitive as hell so we're both running around drenched in sweat in that hot ass warehouse. After I kick her ass, we have to step outside for some air, we're both panting and drenched. We're kind of just standing outside chatting and she says she wants to go for a walk. Hand in hand we're just strutting around the building. We get around to the back, when she stops walking but holds onto my hand to stop me also. I turn and look at her, and her lips just attack mine. I am a handsome man, I've had a good run with many attractive women. But this was the most amazing, soul gripping, time stopping kiss I've ever experience in my life. She immediately jumped into me and wrapped her legs around my waist as my fingers run through her hair. Not even just writing dramatically, it was magic bro. It was like years of suppressed emotions for each other spawned over the course of the last 8 or so hours. I was absolutely in love with this girl. Thinking that, I couldn't help but laugh when we broke away from each other and the first thing she said was, "I love you so much." This girl has been on my mind for 48 hours, and we've been in each other's presence for half of a fucking day. And it wasn't a question. We were mad for each other. This was meant to happen, we were meant to feel this overwhelming adoration. We were meant to meet that day, we were given this day with each other and we fucking RAN with it. We just dove in carelessly.

Leaving primetime, we have a conversation. About how much we love this butterfly, new relationship feel, and this is just tenfold of that. But also, how time deteriorates that feeling. We were both in horrible relationships for years. And both of those relationships started off wonderful and exciting. But people get comfortable with each other and start to find things they dislike in each other, and I feel like love ends up more absent and absent, and people stay in these failing relationships out of comfort or responsibility and commitment to each other more than love. And that leads to people not being happy, and ultimately just disliking each other. We've both experienced this and agreed we wouldn't let that happen to this wonderful love. She's here for this weekend, I'm going to have to do some time soon. This is the time that was given to us. And this is time that we have. We wouldn't be selfish or take advantage. This is our time. And when our time was over, we wouldn't talk anymore. In her words, "You are the most amazing man I've ever met in my life. We can't be together, we have our separate lives to live. But I need to keep you on this pedestal to remind me what I deserve. I need to keep you as the best man I will ever know so that I know love is here."

As I was writing that paragraph above... one of our songs came on. I didn't know - SkinShape "I didn't know, that you would leave so soon. One day I'll come to find you, wherever you may be. If only time was kinder, you would still be here." How fucking wild. The universe be talking, if you're listening.

It was getting late, but we didn't want to be apart, knowing this is our only time together. I know this is the second time I mention mushrooms over the span of just a few weeks, but I don't just eat a fuck ton of shrooms lol. These times mentioned in this story are the only time last year I ate shroomies at all. Always really ate them with some buddy's just to have a goofy time, never looked into the spiritual and mental healing aspect of psilocybin. But the night before I met up with Kat, the most potent/beautiful mushrooms I've ever seen kind of just fell in my lap. "Magically"

So, we get some froyo while we're discussing what to do. And poor little baby is on the verge of a panic attack. When we ended up in the car discussing what to do, she kicked me out of the car lmao. She had to call her friend for advice on what to do. She wanted to have the night with me but didn't want to break her sister's trust. Pretty sure her friend told her to go have some fun for once and to quit being a pussy, because she said, 'Get the hell in! Do you need anything from your house?!' She's yelling she's so nervous haha. Poor, sweet thing.

Hand in hand, souls dancing together, happier than ever, we head out to her sister's house.

Shes calmed down by the time we get out there. Her sister has 3 big ass dogs, and she has 2 corgis herself. Beautiful puppers, Kats dogs are Okra, and Chalie. Like Charlie, but pronounced like 'Chalie bit mah finga.'

We agree that we need a shower before we eat these mushrooms. One, little baby wears kind of baggy stuff so I did not realize how BAD she was. Real knuckle biter. Two, I think she has some sexual trauma with her ex-husband. Or she just hasn't had a lot of experience. I could feel how nervous she was at first, probably thinking I expected to have sex, expecting that pressure. Well, we're in the shower just loving on each other and cleaning up, when she sees my hickeys. I slept with a girl the night before I met her, just a casual friend of mine. She tells me, 'Draven, I want to have sex with you so bad. But I don't think I can." She was telling me it just makes her anxious, me having just slept with somebody and her not sure whether I could be carrying anything or not, and me not having a condom. I tell her no biggie. I mean, I love sex, but that wasn't my intention for the night whatsoever. She made me promise lol. She said, "When we're tripping, even if I ask you to fuck me. Promise me you wont." So I promised, of course.

We got out of the shower, got dressed up and picked out some mushrooms. When I trip, I like to know dosage, how heavy to expect the trip to be. I've never seen such amazingly blue mushrooms in my life. They were obviously potent, and we had no scale. So, I picked us out some tiny little doses. I really wasn't trying to meet my maker that night. That didn't quite go as planned. We toast, "To Magic." And start the rest of the night.

She made us some tea, and we sat and loved on each other and enjoyed each other waiting for the come up. Everything got intense after a while. On the come up we were getting extremely passionate. After a little I could feel her anxiety. It didn't take me long to notice her anxious tick. You can see it in her face when she gets inside of her head, but she rubs her thumb on her leg, her sleeve, my hand or my body wherever her hand is. I feel her start to rub on me, so we just kick back and relax. And then these mushrooms start to kick our asssssessss. I've had mushrooms that were more visuals than anything, some more of a feeling. I'm not sure if it was this strain of mushrooms, or just the context of the day and the magic in the air around us. But this was the most "spiritual" experience I've ever had with mushrooms.

Probably an hour and a half or so after we drop, we're fucking tripping. We find ourselves standing in her sisters living room, just admiring the lights and the colors. I think it was a roku standby screen on the TV or something similar, but there was quiet ambient music that was playing, and the scene was just fucking breathtaking. As if we were standing under a lit aquarium, the green and blue lights dancing across her flawless face. I'm not sure how long I was staring at her until I realized that she was crying, also staring at me. It wasn't a bad cry though, the opposite really. Kat grabs my face, looks into my soul with her dripping eyes and wide goofy grin. She says to me, "I knew I recognized you. You don't remember, Draven? We've known each other before."

.......

Time about stopped here for me. I knew that what she said, as soon as she said it, without any possible doubt, was absolutely true. My soul knew it. I swear I felt every possible emotion I've ever experienced in that moment. Like a release almost, but I was taking in. I was BALLING. I couldn't stop. It was the best cry I've EVER had in my life. Holding onto this person that I have this indescribable, unnaturally radiant love for. And knowing she's feeling the same thing, crying her fucking eyes out gripping at my clothes so hard. I felt this force, and I know I'm going to sound a little crazy here, but EVERYTHING was radiating this force. It didn't take me long to know it was love. But it was the world also, the universe. And those weren't/aren't separate things I believe. It was one force, and it was God, The Universe, Love, and Happiness. But it was also sorrow and pain and longing. It was life But it was all LOVE. And EVERYTHING was sending it. Me, Kat, the dogs, the carpet, the tv. But... the strongest flow was the window. And I looked towards the window, because I just felt it. I saw the stars outside and I just felt everything. And knew everything. LIFE IS LOVE. At that moment, I felt protected. No matter what happened. I could have died in that moment, and I could die right now. And I just know that things are fine.

That massive pour of universal love settles down enough where can at least catch our breaths and share some, 'Wow's", and some "Holy Shit's". We decide we need some fresh air and some nature and step outside. We end up on the trampoline, holding each other and looking at the stars. I remember her saying through tears, 'I'm finally not hurting. My legs, my back, my muscles.' She never elaborated, and I didn't press. But it was important to her, I think she had something wrong with her that she never shared, or was afraid to, or maybe just didn't want too.

We spent the rest of the night loving on each other and sharing traumas. I've experienced love. I've shared intimate moments with people that can never be duplicated. But I don't think I will ever experience again in my life the natural, soul comforting love that was experienced with this girl that night. I cried to her, not knowing how long I would be gone. Everything i've been through I cried to her about, and how that feeling of hopelessness and darkness has so suddenly been replaced by Love and Light and Hope and Comfort over the course of a few insane weeks.

She wasn't crying to me, she was crying to herself. Almost talking to herself in a venting way. It took me a moment to piece together what had happened from what she was saying. Not sure what her position would be on me sharing her trauma so I don't think I will. But we all go through hard things to make us who we are, I believe. And this girl is an amazing person.

We were coming down now, still very emotional and in awe over whatever the fuck happened to us today. So over the course of the trip, there was several times where we got super intimate (we were just rolling around the bed naked talking/bullshitting for a large portion of the trip). There was once where she was actually, "Just fuck me Draven." Yeah, maybe a little mad at myself lol, I did not. When we were talking after the trip, I had mentioned how it would have been nice if I had brought a condom (that was kind of her barrier between us sleeping together). And she started crying, and said, "No, Draven. As nice as sex with you would have been, I'm so thankful you didn't bring a condom. I don't trust men, I just absolutely don't. But I felt so very safe with you from the beginning. You promising me that you wouldn't sleep with me, and still keeping your promise after I had asked you too, that was the best gift anybody could have ever given me. Maybe I could trust again because of you."

I think we just held each other and cried until we fell asleep.

The morning was bliss. Hot tea, puppy cuddles. Wondering what we did to deserve such a tailor made, magical experience.

This wasn't about meeting somebody. This wasn't about a soul mate. It could be about love, ultimately. But we fucking needed that night. For our personal shit. The way things happened, from her needing that trust. I never let girls put hickeys on me, just didn't care that night. I normally have a condom in my bag, I did not. Neither one of us really wanted to go to the skatepark that day. I wasn't even really supposed to be home throughout this timeframe. Everything was the perfect condition, for this perfect night.

For me, I've always struggled with religion. I grew up surrounded by a heavily Christian influenced family/town, but grew up in a "pagan/wicken" household. When everything I hear is bullshit to this person and everything else is bullshit to everybody else, well all of this is bullshit. My own assessment, was there is nothing when you die. And that was awful to believe for so long. What is the point? How can I be happy knowing it just ends in nothing? That must have been a struggle for me since 10 years old if not earlier. My friend died, I just thought he was nothing now. Just didn't exist anymore. Just in our memories. And that was awful to dwell on, and to believe. But now, this experience with Kat.. My soul knows we've shared love and life before. Whether we were lovers, friends, family. It's just true. And that conflicts with everything I have ever thought. If I was here before, I'll be here again. And that's given me comfort beyond imagination. Not only for my sake, and my worry's. But my friends that have passed. They may not be here, but they're here and their souls have to go through, well what's going to make them who they are. It makes death easier for me. Doesn't matter who's right. None of us probably are, really. But I know I'm protected. Whether that's God, the Universe, or my mania. That night with Kathleen gave me comfort in death and spiritual clarity and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

When we left in the morning, and she got in the car from closing the gate, she gave me a flower. And we both just looked at it and cried together. We cried alot lol It was all very emotional. Just riding down the road, I'm looking at this flower thinking, "I'm absolutely getting this flower tattooed on me." When she says, "Would it be stupid if I wanted to tattoo the flower on me?"

This was Friday the 18th now. We parted ways, with plans to rollerblade on Saturday, and find a book to press that flower in.

I'm on the moon Friday. Gave away my shift, I can't focus on work today. I could barely even focus enough to tell my Mom and best friends wtf I just went through. This is also the night, where me and Soluna start to mend our relationship, after I tell her all the magic I just experienced.

Saturday morning, she picks me up. We're just lovey dovey and kissy kissy, we missed the absolute fuck out of each other that one day. We go rollerblade, I still have the scar from the boot rubbing on my ankle. We head to some local pawn shop, where we find this pretty little book of illustrations from an artist name Degas. We also buy picture frames because I surprised her by having some of our pictures printed at Walgreens. We get it all back to my apartment, she draws the prettiest little picture of herself in my book, then writes something before putting the flower in and setting a cast iron on top of it. "You can't open that for three days!"

She takes me to work, we had previously discussed that she would stop by my work Sunday and let me buy her some food before leaving town. Well, when we're saying goodbye, she informs me that it would make her drive an extra couple hours if she were to see me before leaving, and she doesn't think she's going to be able to.

So outside of Chilis, 5 minutes before my shift. I say goodbye to the most amazing, life changing person I've ever been blessed to meet on this silly magic rock. We cry and cry and cry and hold each other and kiss. And for the last time, we kiss each other and let go. I believe that will be the last time I ever see her. It hearts my heart. Shatters it. And typing this up right now is just as intense and heartbreaking and hard as letting her go and watching her drive away for forever was.

She calls me after my shift. We talk about how the fuck we're going to stop talking to each other but stays adamant that that's the best thing for us altogether, to preserve the magic of it all. This continues over Sunday, and over Monday. Monday night, after us just calling and texting. I told her, "Fuck that. We don't have to seek a relationship with each other, we don't have to talk all the time. If we ever get stagnant, we can end it there. But as long as we have adventures together every time we link up, how can this magic die?"

I actually had her convinced, I think we were going to go snowboarding in February. Just meet up in New Mexico and bullshit for a week together. I'm not sure if that would have happened, or how thing's would have ended up with us. But the world speaks man, and that wasn't in the cards. I woke up Tuesday morning, November 22nd. One week after I met Kathleen. The first thing I did was take out her flower, (Bastard Sage) and put it inside of our framed picture. I opened the book and admired her drawing again. Then turned the page and broke my fucking heart again.

It reads,

"We were ART for a day. I will always carry these memories in my heart. You have been sunshine and love. I hope life takes you wherever you need to go. Enjoy the journey, embrace every moment. My perfect lover for infinity. I love you. Kathleen."

Probably after a few hours of crying, I put the book in my bag and head off to work.

I think I was actually on my phone texting Kathleen that night at work, when the cops snuck up on me. I was taken to jail that night for my warrant. I could be gone for 5 years if I got unlucky. Didn't know what to expect, just expected to do some time. I call Kathleen in there a few times, this was the stress that would ruin what we had, she said. I knew it too. If we were to be in contact now, it would be stagnant. It would be stress. It would take away from that magic and that love. I wasn't happy about it, but it was necessary to stop contact. I had a message sent to her on Christmas, and she never got back to me.

The world is taking care of me, and certain important people were aware of the changes I made and the person I'm becoming. I signed for 3 years, and since I had so much time already accounted for, I was released from prison after a month on parole. I wouldn't have been done with probation until 2029 had I stayed with the program. I will now be off parole and completely done with everything in August of 24. The world gave me love and happiness, and 5 years of my life back.

When I was released from prison, I was in a halfway house 9 hours away from home. I had been here for almost three weeks, and I was laying on my bunk, waiting on a phone call from my parole officer telling me my bus ride home was ready. I heard a call coming from my headphones, so I jumped up excited, knowing I'll be headed home in a few days. But when I pulled out my phone, the caller id said 'Kathleen'.

I had sent her a message when I got to the halfway house, saying how everything worked out in my favor and I'll be headed home soon. So, she called me, she told me how amazing it was that everything played out how it did. She was busy at the moment; she had joined two roller derby teams in her home state and was on her way to one practice at the time. She told me that while I was gone, she got her tattoo done and sent me the picture. She said she would like to call me later, because she had something that she would like to talk to me about. I was so very excited. She never called, sent me a text a few hours later.

This is our last conversation.

Kat:

There's so much I want to say but I don't have the words to say it. I'm really so very happy for you and I hope your life continues to blossom. Your time meant a lot to me and I will always have the lessons I learned from you. But due to various circumstances I can't stay in contact with you. I'll always remember our time and that glimpse of past lives, but now I'm working on my future. Our lives are not moving on the same plane and it's not fair to either of us to hold onto something that won't happen. I know this isn't what you want to hear but I hope one day you can understand. Magic doesn't die, I'm a better person for it. Thank you! I hope you still get the tattoo, and you take whatever comes to you in life and love.

Me:

No, I understand. But I don't want anything from you. I just don't want you to be unreachable for forever. Like.. if I can share my tattoo with you when I get it, or next time something amazing happens in my life I'd like to share it with you. Intermittent friends if that makes sense. Or even just to know you're alive every now and then. I don't want to pursue a relationship or try and meet up or anything. But if your circumstances won't allow that, that's okay with me and I'll respect that. You hold a special place in my heart, and I'll be here if you ever decide you'd like to contact me again. Take care of yourself Kat. You deserve all the love and happiness.

Kat:

As do you, let's go find our best lives and continually make them better. Hope leads to disappointment, I would rather us not hold onto it. It's an ending of a chapter. Go write another amazing one. Good bye, Draven.

.................................................................................................................................

I respect the decision, whether I understand it or not. I don't know what she's going through in her life. I would kill to have an hour with this girl, but she's different, and smarter than I am. So this probably is better for both of us. Regardless, this was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me, and I will cherish those days for forever.

I hope the world finds us together again later in life.

If not, I'll see you the next go around, when we need each other.

Thing's had fit right in for us to make better life's out of our individual life's. We weren't meant to be together. We knew we couldn't be. But that wasn't going to stop us from loving each other as intensely as we were capable of. And because we ran with it like we did, I now know magic is real. I look for it, and find it, everyday.

.................................................................................................................................

Kathleen, thank you so much for the time we had. I will never be the same.

My perfect lover for Infinity.

I love you.

-Draven

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