Almost made it to three months, but I cracked last weekend.

It happened on a trip, during a tense argument with someone close to me who isn't yet ready to quit. When I was a less repentant nicotine user, the two of us used to go outside to the balcony and resolve our differences over chain smoking.

So when I asked him for a cig last weekend, he asked if I was sure that I wanted it. In my inebriated state, I spent ten seconds pondering and one resounding thought made me say yes: smoking has helped us through trying times before, so maybe it can help us again.

It didn't. I don't think that cigarette helped to cool my head or make the conversation any easier. We have had follow-up conversations since without nicotine, and the results have barely varied. In other words, the cigarette was just a filthy accessory to a stressful moment.

If you take the view that smoking is self-harm, it's pretty messed up to think smoking will improve your situation when really it's just another form of sabotage. To know this rationally but do it anyway would suggest addiction, but also joyless masochism and a nagging sense of futility. But maybe that's just me.

Not sure how this next fresh start will go, but I have returned to my trusty toothpicks and have yet to spend a single cent on nicotine since November. My phone's background image is a screenshot from Mint.com showing how much I used to spend, and how little I have spent in the last three months. I hope it keeps me from wandering into convenience stores looking for a "lift."