Hello,

I'm writing you this message because I really need some advice.

I live with my girlfriend, I'm 29 and she's 26.

We decided to quit smoking on May 25, she lasted 6 days, and I've never touched a cigarette or joint in my life.

That first week was very hard, she was on edge all the time, and with my withdrawal I couldn't deal with these fits of anger and I was losing my temper too. She literally took me for her enemy during this period.

Then she tried again to stop smoking from June 10 to June 13, but she became nasty again when she usually wasn't, and started smoking again.

She blamed it on the stress of her job, and the fact that she hadn't had many holidays, that she was doing a burn out. So we went on holiday for 2 weeks, and it was a great time, even though I was the only one weaning and it was hard to know she was smoking, it was a great vacation.

Since I stopped smoking, I decided not to hold it against her, I told her I didn't hold it against her, that I didn't think she was weak (she often told me that I must think bad things about her) and I told her that I didn't judge her for continuing to smoke.

Now, 2 days ago, out of the blue, she tells me she's given it a lot of thought and is going to stop smoking.

That this time it's the right one, and that the vacations have done her a lot of good, and that she knows she'll now be working for herself from September so she feels less stressed by her job and fulfilled thinking about the future. She was really radiant when she told me this, saying that she wants to be as healthy as possible for the future children we'll have together.

Then came last night, when she smoked her last cigarette, and today, which was a hellish day for me. She was very anxious, to the point of being quite mean to me, very negative about absolutely everything, and constantly complaining about needing to smoke. I tried to stay super positive and I'd say to her "I'm very proud of you, every minute that passes is a victory" or "I know it's very difficult, it's understandable that you're on edge, but it's for a good cause and I know you'll make it" but she'd simply reply "I don't know if I'm going to make it". Or, for example, when I tell her "if you need anything, I'm here for you", she replies "I need a smoke", to which I reply "you know I can't help you with that", and she says "you can't help me, I just need to be alone, you're not helping me by standing there like that and seeing me as a victim and a weak person", and then she storms off to our bedroom.

I don’t know how to act, this situation give me anxiety and I can’t be in that role of victim in front of her because the situation is difficult for her.