Hey everyone. I’m an alcoholic and I relapsed in October after a year and 9 months sober. I now have a little over a month sober, but the relapse really messed with my mental health and I’ve been having pretty intense cravings.

I’m trying to determine whether I should stay where I’m at (Bay Area NorCal) with my job or move down to a sober living in San Diego (my hometown where I’ve lived most my life and times in sobriety).

I got sober in San Diego, I know the recovery communities and know they are awesome. My brother and sister and their families live down there and my mom and dad live part time there. I’m pretty much 100% certain being there and plugging back into the recovery community and living in a solid sober living is what’s best for my sobriety. But I would be leaving a good paying job and the rent for sober living is not cheap.

I moved up to NorCal for a teaching and coaching job in July. I love the school and sports and teaching are in my blood and for the most part I love it. It’s the best “career” job I’ve ever had and I worked really hard to get here. By and large everything I’ve heard from people has been supportive and that I’m doing my job well. It’s good money and the school and employees are great. But it’s stressful, I’m isolated, I don’t feel comfortable reaching out for help up here (though I’ve been active in this subreddit more and have talked a lot with friends and family from San Diego), I don’t know the recovery communities and even if I did I feel awkward going because I’m afraid I’ll see someone from work or a parent that knows me. I feel like a job like what I had at the beginning of my sobriety, working a set schedule at a doggy daycare is better for my sobriety. Sure less money but way less stress.

There’s so much to consider and it’s been weighing on me. Thankfully the last two-three days have been better than last weekend where I was racked with horrible anxiety. I just want to be sober (like actively working a program sober), healthy, happy and safe. I looked into the rehabs that I went to when I got sober in 2021 but I don’t have the right insurance or enough money for private pay. Honestly another 6 month stint at the rehab in San Diego I went to last time sounds like a dream so I can be surrounded by sobriety and have professional therapists and counselors helping me set my foundation. The next best option is the sober living option- I can make that financially work for a couple months, but then what? Do I just take a leap of faith or stick it out up here? Thanks for reading.