Hello lovelies. Erm idk what to write but I’m trying something different because doing nothing isn’t fucking working anymore. I had 14 months and relapsed back in June. I was sober for all of September and then said fuck it at a wedding and can’t get back on the wagon. I’m back to the same shit where I black out every few days, resisting drinking at work, tired and bloated. I lost so much weight sober. When I’m sober I do yoga and journal and trave and meditate. I have a little sober travel Instagram that I love and follows my journey. My sex drive goes up. I’m better at my job.

So riddle me this. WHY DO I KEEP DRINKING. I think I relapsed because I never found sober people. I started missing drinking around month 9 and was just white knuckling. I’m not an AA gal myself but I’m literally considering going just for people. I recently relocated to Salt Lake and I’m worried it’ll be like it was in the south where they shove soooo much god down your throat. But I know until I find community I’m going to be in a loop. I want to want to be sober and I hate that. Because I really did experience some relief and freedom. I loved telling people I didn’t drink.i loved not being hungover. People noticed the change. I just don’t want to drink until I fuck something up so bad, I’m forced to. Last time I quit was after and awful night. I woke up bruised physically and mentally lol I don’t want to do that again.

anyways I’ve read so many books and podcasts. I’ve been trying to get sober since I was 23. I’m now approaching 29 rapidly and I’m tired. I love my life. I would like to stop escaping it.

Anyways this is mostly a mess. Just wanted to reach out. I hope today is my last day one. 10/15/2022 sounds like a good date.

IWNDWYT

💕💕💕💕💕