I (33/m) am convinced my weekend warrior binge drinking habit (since I was 19 or 20) made me develop agoraphobia and a panic disorder.

But then again, panic attacks and anxiety ran in my family on my dads side of the family unrelated to alcohol use.

But also, alcoholism runs on my moms side of the family (some of her siblings and her grandpa. Her parents never drank a drop because of my moms dad was an alcoholic).

So I was pretty much given horrible brain chemistry genes. I was set up for failure from the start. While my friends do not have withdrawal symptoms like I do when they drink a lot in one night. I wake up sweating, anxious and a panic attack or two.

This is going to be really hard. But I know not drinking is going to help me live to my fullest - a better dad, a better husband and a better boss/employee. It may make me a worse friend by ignoring peoples request to hangout or meet up, but at this point in my life I owe it to myself. I had a bar in my basement I was refurbishing - now I sit here and think what was I thinking? Although my wife can drink normal, she never has more than 2-3 drinks in a day maybe once per week. I wish I did that from the beginning instead of destroying my brain chemistry.

But here I am extremely vulnerable. I haven’t had a drink since Saturday, although I had 20 of them and a panic attack on Monday. What a life to live. I’m done.