My (33/m) life revolves around breweries, brunches and backyard bbq's. I have no off switch when I start drinking around my friends, I drink at a rate of 3x more than anyone around me. If I was at my own house with friends over, I would sneak inside and maybe take a shot when no one was looking.

I would get the urge every week to go to happy hour after work, even if it meant I went alone (because my friends don't prioritize drinking as much as me). I normally only binge drank once per week on the weekends, but mid-week I would have an itch to drink some.

For years and years, I always thought I just had bad hangovers compared to the rest of my friends whenever we would drink socially on a weekend. I was the only one that had anxiety and a bad "hangovers" that lasted for multiple days, or waking up feeling worse than everyone else. Well, I now know that these have been withdrawals this whole time. Now, they typically lead to night sweats, anxiety and panic attacks in the days following. My buddies on the other hand take an aspirin and go about their day. But me? I have had multiple trips to the ER for panic attacks that I know now were alcohol withdrawals.

I can't believe I overlooked the withdrawal symptoms I have been having for over a decade, and seem to have only gotten worse as I have gotten older. Not only the withdrawal, but the urge to drink early in the day to ease my anxiety - this is when I knew I was different from my friends. My body just cannot take it anymore, I am different than everyone else around me. I cannot drink normally and recover normally. I am not living to my full potential for my wife or daughter - and this is why I want to stop.