This is the lowest I’ve felt since I stopped drinking, I had to face the neglect I put my daughter through. I’m so ashamed, she will have those memories for the rest of her life all because I was selfish.

My daughter and I are close now and she just turned 10, we watch movies and binge shows together and have sleepovers. A lot of the time we sit in silence and talk, we talk about all kinds of things, about life, she always wants me to tell her stories about things I did at her age, she laughs about my most embarrassing moments, she talks about things she wants to do when she gets older, I usually let her lead the conversation.

Today we talked about my and my husband’s alcoholism. She wasn’t sad, she wasn’t mad, we just talked. It was a good talk and I was able to keep myself together while we talked through everything that happened and memories she has and I answered all of her questions. Listening to her memories of our drinking was so hard, I kept myself together but once she left the room I fell apart.

Today is just…hard.

I still won’t drink, I don’t have the desire to, I’ve been depressed in general lately. I know this a good way to move forward and a step in the right direction and I know that there will be many more conversations like this. Hopefully it gets easier. Has it gotten easier for any of you to talk to your children? Please tell me it gets easier.

Thanks for listening, IWNDWYT.