I'm 36. New to this sub. I've stopped drinking before but never with a program and never committed, so this is different. I'm picking up my chip today.

My mother & my grandmother died in their 50's from alcoholism. I'm going to break that cycle.

I spent 18 years in an abusive environment. I got out and spent the next 18 years acting out those traumas and getting by with problematic coping methods. I'm now 36 and finally taking control of this mess and making steps to create the life I want & deserve. I'm only 30 days into it, and I've got a long way to go but I've started.

I am trying to find a psych & a therapist for my PTSD. I have 2 more months before I can see a psych for medication for my mental illness. That length scares me, but I know that I have support in my sobriety.

I'm grateful today, and gratitude used to be difficult to find. I'm also still irritable & bored because so much of my life & activities revolved around alcohol, but gratitude is creeping in. As Leonard Cohen would say "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."