Growing up I struggled, my parents constantly gaslighted me about everything. The biggest one being how my stepdad forced me to call him dad. This story is long but I wanted you guys to have the full picture before I share what happened today.

On Christmas Day, when I was 9 years old, my stepdad and mom said they wanted to talk to me about something. I was sitting in their bed. My stepdad got up and walked into his home office, came back with a big stack of papers, and threw them into my lap. He pointed and tapped at the papers really hard and said “do you know what these are?” I said no. He looked really angry so I was nervous. Then he said “these are adoption papers, do you know what that means?” I said no, idk if he heard me though because I was nervous and I said no really quiet. He said “this means from now on you call me dad. If I ever hear you using my name to address me again I will ignore you.”

From then on I called him dad, when I would bring it up even years later they acted like they didn’t know what I was talking about. It really fucked with me.

My parents are getting a divorce now. I was talking with my mom about how my dad never let me put oatmeal on my toast and she said “I remember when he forced you to call him dad.” I stared at that message for a long time. She’s finally admitting this happened, I should be happy. I am happy that she is giving me validation.

But I am also angry. So I’m not crazy? You actually fully lied to me for all these years? I’m fucking 30 now, I have my own child, and you’re telling me this 21 years later??

Idk. I’ve been crying on and off all day. I’m happy, I’m mad, I’m sad, I’m glad. I’m a mess. If I wasn’t sober I’d drink myself into oblivion tonight. Instead I’m going to just sit in these emotions and process everything as best as I can. I just needed to talk about this, thanks for listening.

IWNDWYT