Is this the most common post title on this sub?

Was Day 3. I was actually doing ok besides being depressed, irritable and lonely. Then my day went to crap. Nothing seemed to be going my way and I was a mess. Once I made the decision to drink, my anxiety went away.

I’m in a Banned Drinkers Register (voluntarily), so legally I cannot purchase takeaway alcohol, so I asked an employee to buy some for me (I said I left my ID at home). I took my kids out for dinner, so I could have a few drinks there too. I do remember the first sip of wine was divine, but I didn’t actually enjoy the glass. By the second, I was back to my old mind frame.

I was still irritable, and my kids were being naughty, so I lost my patience. We went home. I had lots of bags of their stuff that I was struggling to get upstairs, and as I placed the bags on the kitchen counter, I hear a crack. The bottle of wine broke, and filled the bag with wine. As I’m trying to get the bag to the sink, wine spills everywhere. The kitchen is a mess, the kids need to get to bed, and I realise my beds sheets are still on the line as one of them wet my bed last night. I end up lying on my mattress, staring at the ceiling for about 15 mins, wallowing. I really wanted that bottle of wine.

I manage to get up, clean the kitchen enough, make my bed, get the boys to bed, and reset my counter on here. One of them didn’t want to sleep, so I decided to lie in bed with him, mentally and emotionally drained, where I fell asleep.

I’m so over this. I want to be sober so I can be healthy, but I know I’m relying on being fit and healthy again as fix for the issues in my life. But I know that’s not going to magically solve everything, so why can’t I just keep drinking since it does make me feel short term pleasure.

Vent over.