Learning more and more that there are many roads to that lead to Rome. Funny how in 22 days the fear was put in me that AA was the only way.

The anxiety of not fitting this AA mold and not knowing if that was my tribe truly fucked with me for the last three days. I was spiraling and overwhelmed; beating myself up and panicking of where I will go or end up. I am not a fortune teller, neither is any member of AA. The fear of “without AA you will drink and die” seems counter productive. I worked an honest program but was not ready to give the pot up. That brought on all these stipulations that just made me feel alienated. I rather work on cigarettes first IMO.

After researching, speaking to my partner and therapist, and journaling. I realize I can apply the principles of AA to my daily life and continue to take it one day at a time. The toolbox can still be used.

I now realize a place that puts stipulations on what an alcoholics journey looks like when asking for help isn’t for me; and that is okay.

I am grateful for AA speaker podcasts, this thread, my therapist, and this mornings stream of consciousness.

IWNDWYT

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January 2023 UPDATE: totes possible. Day 693