Ill preface this with saying I am an extremely anxious person by default, and I've had four withdrawals, maybe even more mini withdrawals also and im kindled to a ridiculous level. A night or two of drinking now sends me into withdrawal. Its that bad.

I relapsed recently and went through a strenuous detox that landed me in hospital. I went to the ER shaking like a leaf, feeling confused and sweating profusely. My heart rate was out of control and they admitted me straight away and I detoxed there until my vitals stablized. You can find more info on this from my last post.

Now I did post about this before but worry is getting the better of me, but this community is fantastic and I trust you guys to give me honest opinions and help during this difficult time. Physically I'm absolutely fine aside from some gastritis pain, but it's minor and I'm use to it. But the mental side is almost breaking me. Im only 31 and im having a very difficult time with the mental side of getting sober. Ill just list my symptoms. Depressed, extreme anxiety (I can barely talk to my own family and housemate's without feeling like I want to run away, but im somehow coherent and they say I seem fine. I do not, obviously). I have feelings of derealization and that everything doesn't seem quite real, even people. I'd be talking to people and thinking this just seems so fucking weird. Im quite irritable, which I think stems from my frustration that I feel like im on the verge of losing my mind constantly. I cry sometimes, thinking I've fried my brain. I also have anhedonia. I enjoy nothing. All I do is sit on my phone, nothing else. When I watch TV it just seems so strange and off, I have the same feelings with gaming. Im extremely forgetful and sometimes forget my train of thought speaking and apologise and feel so frustrated. Im having panic/racing thoughts. Simple things seem so difficult for me and im a bright person usually. In general the whole world just seems scary and quite unreal. My nerves are just absolutely broke it seems, I feel defeated and that this is my life now, stuck in this hell I've made for myself.

The reason for this post is I guess is to ask, is this abnormal for being 11 days sober under my circumstances (strenuous detox, kindled withdrawals). Should I be worried? Will this dissipate/pass? Can anyone relate? Im just so ridiculously scared ive went too far and fucked myself up beyond repair. I feel tears even building up writing this and im not that kind of person. My emotions are just all over the place. Any advice/relatable stories would be greatly appreciated. I feel so stuck.