Well first of all, this is very embarrassing and im incredibly ashamed of myself. You know how the story goes, I thought I could moderate and ended up drinking every day until the 11th. I was even getting night sweats during this period. I am kindled to a ridiculous level. I felt extremely sick after the last day, didn't throw up but I went straight into withdrawal. Nausea, shakes, heart feeling like it was going to explode out of my chest. Legs shook when I walked and I felt extremely faint. Eventually paramedics had to come and were concerned and brought me in. They gave me a three day librium taper to do at home which seemed to work for the first day and second but when I was on the third day with a lower dose shit hit the fan again. I was sweating profusely, shaking and felt confused. I don't know how I did it but I walked to the ER in this state and just looked at them shaking like a leaf and said alcohol withdrawal. I didn't even have to wait they got me in straight away. My heart rate was mental, blood pressure extremely high and the doctor said my pupils were extremely dilated. She asked me where I was, my name, and to tell her the months backwards which I did. Checked my tremors and admitted me. They loaded me up with librium, the yellow IV with all the essential vitamins/minerals or whatever, and fluids. I stayed there five days and everything stablized after a while. Blood pressure within normal range and heart beat normal. But I still don't feel right mentally and physically but im out of the seizure/DT zone. Im about 8 or 9 says sober and last night was the first night I slept without night sweats. I still feel extremely exhausted sometimes and fatigue. But my most worrisome symptoms are mental. I have depersonalization, quite panicky, feel like things are unreal and im on auto pilot. I feel like im losing my mind but anytime I speak with people im somehow coherent but I definitely don't feel that way. I also have anhedonia and my appetite is sometimes low, sometimes it's alright. Im eating pizza now and enjoying it. Im just worried I've completely fucked my head up and im destined to have no joy out of anything and these feelings of unreality and depersonalization are permanent. It's very stressful and it's depressing me. Can anyone relate to any of this at all? Im so fucking scared. I keep telling myself you've messed around with your gaba so much its gonna take time to get to baseline but this is so so strange and scary. If anyone can relate or give advice id be incredibly grateful. I have supplements like thiamine, l-theanine, choline, magnesium, folic acid b12 iron (these are all in one tablet). Im just looking for some reassurance, help, and anyone who can relate. Im functioning but everything doesn't seem quite real. So yeah, im an idiot and this won't happen again because im so frightened. This withdrawal was hell and now im dealing with very scary paws symptoms. Thanks for reading and again, I hope someone can relate or give me some reassurance. I feel like an absolute failure who's lost his mind...fuck alcohol. So damn panicky and scared. Oh and a quick edit, I could possibly have an essential tremor for life. They said it could dissipate with time or stay there. Its not very noticeable unless im anxious (which is all the damn time right now). I just want to feel normal and play games and watch TV but I just can't, everything seems so warped and I feel insane. This is eating me up inside.