I've been sober for 405 days now, it hasn't been easy but it's the best decision I've ever made. A little over a year ago I was hospitalized with not only pancreatitis but alcoholic hepatitis as well. I had gone in to begin medical detox and I really didn't realize how far gone I was at that point, it was definitely the lowest I've ever been in my life. I'm not really sure exactly what happened to make me go into the hospital in the first place, I just woke up one day and decided that I was going. I'm very thankful to the VA and all the help they gave me in those early days, I was truly a mess. My husband and I both went into detox the same day and were released the same day around 3 or 4 days later. My mother in law offered to take my daughter in for around 6 months (the remainder of the school year) and so she went to CA while we stayed NV to try and pick up the pieces of our broken lives. We had a lot of things to work out: marital issues, our trashed apartment, finding work, finding AA meetings and sponsors, and I had a lot of mental health issues that I finally decided to seek help for.

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As many of you probably know, coming home to a trashed apartment is definitely not a fun experience right after medically detoxing for a few days. I think we spent those first days crying a lot, not much cleaning got done, I missed my daughter, I felt like a giant dumbass for letting things get so out of hand, I felt like a horrible mother, and I was just plain embarrassed.

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Slowly but surely we picked up the pieces one by one, my husband found work, he got promoted to assistant manager shortly after, and now he's a supervisor at a new company. I went to mental health, I FORCED myself to go to every single appointment and be honest with my therapist, I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I'm managing it well now. I no longer have alcoholic hepatitis or pancreatitis. We got sponsors, found an AA home group, started working the steps. We threw out all our furniture and completely cleaned our place top to bottom over the course of probably 4 or 5 months. I'm good with budgeting so over those 6 months I got all our bills finally under control and out of the negative, we bought some cheap new furniture and set up our apartment nicely, we hired people to clean our carpets, wow what a difference coming come to a nice and clean apartment feels like! We bought my daughter a brand new bed set and dressers, worked on getting her new toys/clothes/etc. over the course of the 6 months she was gone. If we were out we usually would always stop and get her small things here and there for when she returned (lots of crying was involved). Over the course of those 6 months I also tackled my hair, I had let it get pretty out of control with knots and combing it out was so bad I actually had some bald spots at first, I'm Creole and Mexican and my hair is very thick and curly and through YouTube videos and trial and error I figured out how to properly take care of it and actually *gasp* wear it down in public. I also taught myself through trial and error how to apply makeup, I'd literally never worn makeup before I got sober and I have since mastered the winged eyeliner :)

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And most importantly IT WAS FINALLY TIME FOR MY DAUGHTER TO COME HOME! Let me tell you, just remembering the moment when we went to pick her up and bring her home is making me tear up right now. We had a big welcome home sign for her and everything, it was awesome and she totally wasn't expecting a whole new bedroom! Previously we'd been sleeping in the living room on a jenky bed frame, surrounded by broken couches. We actually had a nice big couch in the living room! She was very excited about that as well.

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We had our one year sober birthday not too long ago! My daughter came to the meeting and saw us get coined, my mother and long time family friend also flew out to see us get coined and spend some time with us and see our "new" apartment. Oh I almost forgot to mention, MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING STRAIGHT A's! She has only missed one day of school and that was because she had a cold, she's in second grade but was allowed join a 3rd grade and up only club at her school for reading Harry Potter (she and I have been having lots of fun bonding over Harry Potter), and she made student of the month last month. Cleaning our house I found her old report card from last year, boy what a difference!! We missed out on the holidays with her last year so this Thanksgiving was special to us, we asked her what she was thankful for this year during dinner and she said "My parents being sober", I cried lol.

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I went over our bills this month to see what we could afford to get her for Christmas (she's been asking for a Nindento Switch and those are pretty pricey) and lo and behold, what's this? My light bill had been credited $200 so we don't have to pay the light bill this month or next. I called to inquire about this and they told me since our account has been in good standing for a year we got our deposit back! Merry Christmas to us! And with the help from my grandma pitching in some I placed the order for my daughter's new switch yesterday! She should be pretty surprised I think since the last time she asked I told her we probably couldn't afford it right now.

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Another new thing is I made an actual real life friend, she's nice and is married and her husband and my husband have also became good friends, her kids and my kid get along great, there is hope for making new friends as an adult after all!

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Last but not least, this may seem silly but I've found a new hobby and I'm really enjoying myself. I used to watch anime as a kid but I've since deep dived recently into the world of anime and manga and omgggg it was like where have you been my whole life. It's fun to be excited about new manga and anime, I feel a little silly being so excited about it but I've been trying for years to find a hobby and nothing ever stuck. Also my brother is into anime, too, and it's helping us bond and connect, we didn't always get along and this is definitely bringing us closer, we went from never talking to talking at least a few times a week about anime we've been watching or manga we've been reading it's really a blast.

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After being a stay at home mom for years I've decided it's time to go back to work and will be getting started with that process after the holidays, we've decided to start a two to three year plan to become home owners.

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Along the way people have doubted if we're genuinely sober now, it really bothered me at first but now I understand that I can only keep moving forward with my new sober life and hope that they see the change in me as person through my actions and the way I carry myself. I'm slowly but surely becoming more confident in who I am.

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Life is far from perfect, but I'm actually LIVING now, instead of just existing. I will not drink with you today.