I had some hard truths today, there was a lot of crying.

The biggest one was during outpatient intake. Though I am excited to start working with them, while discussing the effects alcohol has on me, the doctor gave me a concerned look and an "uh oh."

I had brought up the fact that my tolerance is working in reverse, that in the past year and a half it's been taking less to get me drunk, I experience blackouts often, and I've noticed my memory getting worse...and I guess I was starting to get to the point where alcohol was going to kill me if I hadn't stopped.

I won't go into the rest, it was also kind of a kick to the head reality wise, but that was probably the hardest. I am really scared, but hopeful. I am committed to staying sober. I have so much riding on it, namely my freedom and now my life itself. One scary thing is though, I did have a fleeting moment where I started craving a drink...but I quickly shut myself down and opted to get a good ol Vanilla coke instead.

Sorry, being a Windy Wilma again. I just needed to vent that. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I'm trying out an AA group my friend thinks I'll like. Here's to staying sober.

I know I can do it, and I know you all can to. Keep up the good work everyone.