After caving in Tuesday night, I 'worked' from home and day drank again this Wednesday. I spilled some vodka on my laptop and that was it for work that day.

I was miserable. I called my manager later that evening and told her I needed some time off work to go to a program. I went to my first AA meeting that night.

Yesterday I got all the logistics of outpatient sorted, applied for short term disability, got the reference from my insurance, waited 4.5 hours to do the assessment. I'll be able to go to the program in mornings and work in afternoons.

Today I went to another AA group and asked for a sponsor.

I've made it months before but it doesn't last... Time to try new strategies.

I keep finding myself on the verge of tears, especially when talking to people.

I could feel cravings tonight even though I don't want to drink at all. I told myself Hungry Angry Lonely Tired? Three of the four. I got some curry and Thai iced tea. Time for a refreshing shower and some sleep.

I will not drink with you today.