I never considered myself an alcoholic. I was just a guy who occasionally got drunk by himself because it was fun. Then it became a tradition where I just enjoyed getting drunk once a week when I didn't work the next day. Sometimes I would even drink with friends and I always had to show them up by drinking more and never backing down from a drink.

I had certain rules that I lived by. I wouldn't drink more than once a week. I would never drink the night before I worked. I would never drink to the point of puking. Over time these rules were broken until I was drinking multiple nights in a row. I could still force myself to go a week without drinking if I really wanted to so how could I be an alcoholic? So what if I was getting cravings? Doesn't everyone crave the fun feeling of drinking? I just had lame friends who weren't interested in getting drunk every weekend.

These were all the thoughts in my head and putting them into words like this really feels weird. I just kind of searched for this place on google a few weeks back because I guess I was starting to realize my drinking wasn't good. I wanted to prove to myself I wasn't an alcoholic by seeing how bad it could get for some people and reminding myself that I wasn't there "yet". Yet being a key word there I think. Anyways, I only browsed through some of the stories for awhile and thought of how everyone talking about how great their life is and how they planned to never drink again must be crazy. I couldn't imagine never drinking again. Eventually I read something that blew my mind though. "I don't get how normal people can just have one drink. I never understood the point of drinking without getting drunk." That was a feeling I had always felt ever since I started drinking. I could never have just one drink. It was eye opening to say the least. Those people talking about never drinking again finally made sense.

I don't think I can ever have the relationship with alcohol that others have and I can make peace with that now. I've read so many inspiring stories of happiness with sobriety on here and I'm ready to work on my own. IWNDWYT