I just hit 19 days, two more than my previous record for the year and possibly the longest streak I've had in my ten years of drinking.

It took almost three months of resets to get to this point. I feel so much more clear headed than I have in.... I can't remember how long. My mood is also generally more stable. Better usually but even when I feel stressed, anxious, depressed, exhausted, lonely, angry, jealous or guilty I can recognize what's happening and I can deal with it. I am not consumed by my emotions, I feel physically better, I am finally in control. I am free.

Finally this round the cravings have been very manageable. Flexing the sobriety muscle over and over for months of resets has had an effect I suppose. This sub has been tremendous even as mainly a lurker.

And yet.... I poured a shot of my boyfriend's whiskey into a shot glass tonight. I thought about it yesterday but fought it off by ignoring it and reading sd. Today it came back stronger and I poured the shot.

I was going to drink it, obviously. That's why I poured it. In my mind I already had. I walked around with the full shot glass. I held it up to my face and I smelled it. It was in the glass for a good thirty minutes. Then I heard my boyfriend stirring a bit in the bedroom. I made sure he wasn't actually getting up, poured the shot back into the bottle, wiped away the evidence and here I am.

19 days and no reset but damn that came on quick and it came on strong. Thank you to everyone in this sub! If it hadn't been for reading about relapses, reading about the struggle of the first 30 days and the first 100, reading about the pink cloud and paws and HALT and complacency and the trigger of finally feeling okay and internalizing playing the tape forward and literally taking it One. Minute. At. A. Time. I would have it in my system right now and I would be wanting more.

I've been looking forward to thirty days for over a year now and I'm glad I don't have to wait another thirty to see it.