So today, I hit 165 days sober. I genuinely do not feel like I've lost anything. I have only gained willpower, confidence and money from it.

165 x 7.5 = €1237.50, at least not spent just by not buying alcohol (likely a few hundred more saved by not buying drinks at bars)

But even now, my brain tells me things like "you weren't that bad a drinker" or "you're not a REAL alcoholic". When literally almost all the worst things, in terms of events like fights, arguments, physical injuries etc., that have happened to me in life have been alcohol related.

Also, alcohol was like the fuel for other addictions, and so then I ended up with cross-addictions like vaping way more nicotine, sexting way more often, watching porn, etc. Which then led to more shame.

Plus, I'm so lucky I didn't get my head kicked in the other night. I confronted 4 guys while I was drunk. To be fair, they did mock me, but the alcohol made me overreact and become too aggressive. I have a feeling that I am potentially even a little bit allergic to alcohol, or whatever else is in beer. Which was causing aggravation, and maybe even some paranoia in me.

Don't listen to your lying brain. Alcohol is bringing you down, even if it's not always totally obvious.