I was at a work trip this week, and despite setting drink limits for myself I ultimately ended up doing what I do best …

I had 6 drinks (lost count), overshared with my coworkers, embarrassed myself, stumbled to bed, and spent the next morning’s meeting excusing myself to vomit. I’m very good at concealing it for the most part. Almost all of the heavier drinkers are around the same age and we’re an informal group, so it’s not like I botched my career. Still, this is the third or fourth time this has happened and I’ve been at this job for 8 months.

I woke up in the hotel, hung over as shit, and just said “I’m done.” Something with that little sentence really clicked with me. It wasn’t like “I have a problem, I’m done” or “I’m so embarrassed, I’m done.”

I’m looking at it like “Congratulations, you won! You have won alcoholism and you are the best partier, no question! You can finally be done now, there’s nothing left that you have to drink” … which surprisingly is very helpful.

I mean, this was only five days ago … But I really do feel like it’s different this time. I went to two social gatherings this weekend where everyone else was drinking and I and didn’t, which is huge for me. Nobody questioned it.

I found myself intrigued with conversation, laughing out loud, and making jokes. I thought I only did those things because I was drunk, but turns out that’s actually who I really am, too.

I can’t have “just one.” That’s where I’ve failed in the past. I can have exactly zero, because “just one” is no longer in my vocabulary. “Just one” turns into “one more” which turns into ruining my life for the next two days, at least.

The last few days have really been eye-opening for me. This is my first post here, and I can’t wait to hear all of your stories too and learn to enjoy my life without alcohol.