I messed up bad in February. Showed up at one of the places I oversee blitzed and just continued the party. Damaged my image really bad. No one knew how bad it had gotten because I thought I hid it so well. Those long weekends drinking alone at home because no harm no foul. It caught up to me. Fortunately did not loose my job. I finally said that enough was enough. I had to look at myself and tell myself the truth, “The next drink could kill you”. I repeated that to myself over in the mirror. It literally could; that night I almost ran off a bridge and damaged my vehicle. Luckily no one was hurt.

It was scary to think that the next drink could leave me wrecked in a ditch or in some illegal hole in the all bar where even more bad influences lay. I know me and how I get, and what vices I hunt for when under the influence.

Well, it worked. Today is day 104 and I have a few things to celebrate.

• I’ve hit the gym 15 weeks in a row and look like I’m in my 20’s again

-I managed to pay off almost all of my credit card debit that came along with drinking

• My job promoted me with a 75% pay increase (this one was wild because I didn’t see it coming. The owner of the business was the one who gave me the choice to be sober or say goodbye. He pulled me into his office today and said “How do you feel”. I was honest and started to cry because I had forgotten how it felt to live for me and not my next drink. He knew, and without him and the support of the other execs, I wouldn’t be here. Now they are putting me in the position he knows I can do when I’m sober me)

• I have energy and passions to do things again. Kayaking for 3 days next week!. Still struggle with feeling the right emotions at the right time. Don’t believe my brain is quite recovered yet. But it’s getting there.

• Loneliness I felt when I quit was me just scared and confused about how to move forward. I needed find me

• It’s not a forever battle. It’s a today, this moment battle.

I can’t promise myself that I will never drink again. I can’t see the future. I also know that my weakest moments are when I feel the best. You deserve this, it’s just one… Never works. I will never have to stop asking myself “Do you want to die”. A little dark I know but just one more drink may put me there. I can’t forget that. So today, the answer to that question is no.

IWNBDWYT