I'm 36(M). I'm 5yrs sober now, and long may that last. I came home to visit my folks as it's both my Dad and Mom's birthdays in the last two weeks, so figured it'd be nice to come see them.

We played in a charity golf day, with most holes sponsored. Most sponsors had loads of snacks and drinks (heavy focus on shots, cocktails, or they had drinking games (e.g. down a beer, then flip the cup, and if it lands upright, your playing partner goes)). Luckily I'm able to now not worry about the booze on offer, so I really wasn't phased by that aspect - they all had water or soft drinks too.

Anyway, we get to the one hole with the flip cup game, and my dad awkwardly pulls the promotions lady aside and in a stage whisper pretty much announces "we've got a problem here. [My name] can not drink. We need to make a plan", and she sort of scrambled to get a new cup without booze in it. It was so fucking awkward and unnecessary, and as we drove off in the cart after teeing off, as I was about to start speaking to him about it, he said "I know, I know. Sorry."

I explained to him that he needn't make a thing of this, and it is no different to someone ordering a normal drink. Like it's not "special" that when I order, it needs pulling people aside, whispers, pre-checking what options are available (I.e. literally saying: "what drinks do not have alcohol, we need alcohol-free drinks" rather than just asking what soft-drinks they have).

Anyway, I was frustrated at first because I'm living (well, with a good job, healthy lifestyle, happier life) in a different country, and there is no concern when I'm not with them etc., it's like he just panics when I come visit. But I also thought to myself, that I process my alcoholism and recovery lots in my own life/world, but I suppose my folks went through terrible trauma as a result of my problems, and maybe haven't processed it for themselves yet. So I tried really hard to be understanding, but it was still incredible awkward knowing that this shadow may never leave me in their eyes.

So that's a bit of a shit feeling, but I can't control how he thinks. I do really worry that my father is developing memory problems, and I really fear that he may "remember me" from when I was going through dark times (just because those memories are seemingly prominently stuck with him) than who I am now.

Alcoholism will forever be my biggest shame, and because I'm part of quite an old-school minded family/friendship group, it will also be probably something that those closest to me probably feel too. It sucks. Short of upping and leaving, I suppose this is something I'll just have to live with. Anyway, appreciate anyone reading my frustrated ashamed vent. IWNDWYT