Word vomit:

I started drinking at 16 and up until last weekend, I thought I had a good relationship with alcohol until I noticed something. I can’t just have 1 or a couple or 3, it ALWAYS has to be 7,8,9,10,blackout. Not that I drink until blackouts every time, but I make a fool of myself and end up regretting it the next day.

When I was 16 my friend introduced me to alcohol, I drank through the rest of high school, into college and into the Army. I’ve since gotten married into 3 kids and every time I get drunk, I feel abhorrent the next day not just because of the hangover, but because of how it’s affecting the kids. I think drinking is hard on us because my wife has noticed that I can’t just have one, drinking made me fatter, it made me unpleasant to be around.

I recently took a trip to another country and it was a complete shit show. I told her I wasn’t going to drink, what happened when someone offered me a drink? I took it. I drank through the day no know where I was and if I’d be okay, luckily wound up back at the hotel bar and made it up to my room. This pattern has existed throughout our relationship and since I started.

I’ve gone 6 months sober before, and it was truly great, my relationship at the time seemed to improve, everything else seemed right with the world.

I don’t want to shift blame or attempt to even try to remove accountability from my feet, but embrace the responsibility I have and do right by my wife and kids. In essence it appears that I simply need to make better choices, which is all well and good but how do I reinforce it? What has worked for you all to stop?

To be clear, I have not committed any offenses or done anything reckless, it’s more or less been making a fool of myself but the problem still exists and persists.