Hey guys. I posted on my sober page on Instagram a journal entry of sorts that I wrote this morning. Thought I would post here too. I’m resetting after a too long relapse (about 10 months off and on) after 14 months of sobriety. Maybe someone here relates or if you’ve been through long term sobriety after a significant relapse, maybe some words of wisdom ❤️❤️❤️.

I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health lately.

How cruel it can be. When someone has an addiction, a lot of times we say “this isn’t your fault but it is your problem.” My depression, anxiety, alcoholism aren’t my fault. But they very much are my responsibility. And lately I’m not sure I’ve been holding up my end.

When I got sober back in 2021, I reached a new level of happiness I don’t think I had ever experienced as an adult. I felt capable and content, healthy and loved, in a way that was brand new. The world and the possibilities around me shifted. I changed.

But eventually unfortunate things occurred as they do in life. My depression came back. Life wasn’t all perfect at a year sober. And this depression felt deeper, more powerful… because I had seen the other side. I had seen a newer version of myself. I knew happiness was possible and it didn’t bring my hope.. it brought me shame. That I couldn’t hold onto it. How silly I felt in thinking I was cured. And so my sobriety slipped away. My joy, personality and strength followed.

But alas how meaningless happiness would be if it was the only emotion we ever felt! Beauty would become meaningless, love would hold no value, if that was all that filled our world.

I’m writing this for one simple reason. I’m still alive. I survived the crash. Which means I get to try again. The me that grew during sobriety is not gone. Pain is not meaningless. And lessons learned a few hundred times will build who I become. Many of my favorite things in this life have come from mistakes I’ve made.

If you slipped, if you’re struggling, if you don’t see a way out of a hell of your own making, please take a deep breath with me. Remember where there is pain, pleasure and beauty can fill. And there absolutely is a light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s try again.

IWNDWYT