Oh boy where do I start? I've been here and gotten far so many times. This time it has to be no more drinking forever. I'm 36 and in December I flipped my car with my dog and two kids inside, totaling it. Noone was hurt, but it could've been way worse. My girlfriend broke up with me. Not over the crash, she drove drunk to come grab my kids/dog for me. We enabled each other and we had to break up because we both wanted sobriety but as soon as we offered a drink to each other, the other person would say yes. It's been depressing. I am struggling at work and afraid I'll lose my job if I don't catch back up and stop procrastinating and lying. I was arrested after the crash. Their mother doesn't trust me alone with them.

This would be my 4th DUI in 11 years. I was slapped with 4 felonies. I wasn't supposed to be driving to my girlfriend's, I had a BAC > 0.15, I had minors in the car, and I had prior DUIs. I am broke even though I make a ton of money.

I have to stop drinking and never drink again. I'm scared, anxious, and sad. When I stopped drinking this time I tried to taper, but the few days sober have been agonizing. I sleep too much and it isn't good sleep and I wake up anxious and depressed.

My ex-girlfriend is also sober now. We check in with each other. She brings me care packages because she still cares and I am waiting for my next paycheck. That money will go into bills, groceries, lawyer, and probably in-patient treatment where I can still work remotely. I can't have money. The temptation to drink when I have a big bank account balance is too high.

Still, I know the peace and end to chaos that being sober brings and I'm struggling one day at a time to reclaim that. I'm reaching out to family and being brutally honest.

I will not drink with you today.