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Attention: Due to the continuous printing of money and the multiple stimulus bills, we the FED have officially postponed the recession to June.
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While we understand your frustration and disappointment that this exciting event has been rescheduled, we ask that you find comfort in sports fans (baseball, basketball, football, etc.) who also have had to postpone their events recently. Do not fret, the bubble we have been building for years and the economic downturn are still gaining momentum, however, due to the unforeseen imminent collapse presented by the coronavirus, we have had to reschedule. This change in date allows us to take the full and unsheltered blame for what we have caused, ensuring better press. We continue to bolster the bubble via money printing, irresponsible corporate management, and junk bond purchases to ensure an even bigger and more exciting downturn in the coming months. We sincerely appreciate your patience at this time.

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4 years ago