This applies for almost all parenting situations save things like kidnapping and lion attacks. But when the kid is crying or complaining or doing something that just irritates you to no end, you can walk away. It took me way longer then it should have for that to sink in.

I (31m) have 3 kids, my bio son at 4 months and to step children daughter 6 son 4. Before I meet there mother in September of 2019 I had NEVER taken care of any child for more then an hour and we sat and played video games and I got 20 bucks afterward. I also have major depression and pretty much no patience to speak of and was raised in a if your legs aren't broke you can do it your self house and then I joined the army for 5 years. I don't like dealing with bull shit.

Enter my step children, mostly SS. I don't want to go in to the cause of it but this little dude is a chore. If he doesn't want to do something he will forget how or not have energy or just start balling. I would rush in when he would start doing this and try to comfort him but I am pissed while I do it so I would grab to hard or lift to suddenly and he would claim I was killing him. It got to the point where I would just be picking him up normal or pat his head as he walked by and he would fall apart. SO had been telling me to walk away for a while but it finally sunk in after an argument about me angrily doing what the kids wanted which is kind of relates. I had come home from work and wanted to walk my dog and decompress, my step daughter wants to come and I groan loudly and say "FINE hurry up and get your shoes " then yelled at her again when she started to play with something. SO yells at me to leave and that she would take SD out. After we both cool down we talked and she explained how hard it was to watch me be that way around the kids. In my head the logic went that I was doing what they wanted which counts as positive which cancels out the anger and was there for an acceptable way to interact with the kids. It is not. After this talked I have been better at spotting when I flair up and was finally able see when I needed to walk away and more importantly realise I COULD walk away.

I had been thinking that if I didn't help with whatever the kids need that was being neglectful and that because I can do everything for them I should. Turns out that walking away is the solution sometimes.

The best example of this actually comes from my Bio son. As a baby he literally can't do anything save cry, eat, sleep, poop, pee, and look adorable. Well at one point I was watching all three kids while their mom got some rare time away. The Step kids where on their Swtiches and I was hold my son. He starts crying and I try rocking him, I try getting a binky, I change his diaper, I get him a bottle. This goes on for 20 soild minutes of just screaming and I am about to lose it. So I finally put him down in the middle of the bed leave the room and shut the door before going and breaking down in the kitchen for a few minutes. When I am done laying in the fetal position I notice the crying has stopped. I panic and run to the room to find him asleep. He was sleepy and I was way to pissed off for him to fall asleep in my arms. That was what really proved it to me.

So basically I'm saying don't feel trapped in the moment. Kids can cry, it will not hurt them to be in discomfort for a few minutes. You, however, can. You can scare them and leave trama they then have to carry for the rest of their lives. So when you feel like punting your child through the window turn around and walk away and come back with a calm head.

TLDR walk away when you get pissed off.