Hi everyone,

More of a vent post here, maybe asking people if my feelings are justified or how I should be dealing with this.

So were a blended family, my partner and I have been together for a little over a year, I have 3 children 7 and 9 yo boys and a 4 yo daughter. She has a 4 yo boy.

My issue is around her son's behavior. He's absolutely diabolical at times, consistently sent home from daycare for hitting other children, and its not much better at home. Its to the point now that I feel as if I dont want to have my children if he is here.

I understand that we have both asked alot of our children to accept the new blended family situation, and for the large part they have. My children absolutely adore their SM. I wouldn't say her child adores me, but he has a level of respect for me in which its clear I'm the only person giving him any real structure or rules. That's not my place I know but ill be damned if I'm going to let him run riot at home.

Its clear to anyone that has anything to do with this child (eg the head daycare teacher) that he has some issues that need addressing. What they are we don't know, but possibly ADHD, but I'm inclined at this point to think perhaps autism. Here in our country one parent cannot get the child medical attention without the other parent being aware. This has run us into a brick wall with him, as his BD won't let us have him be looked at in this regard. Its purely a matter of pride, he doesn't want his son to have anything wrong with him. I get that, but thats not helping him, its as if his pride is more important.

How do I broach this subject with my partner? I don't want to upset her by telling her I don't want my kids around him till he curves his behaviour. Its hard for me, my children have all grown up with strict boundaries and are all fairly well behaved. So SS and his emotional and behavioral issues are new territories for me.

I genuinely love this kid, and I want nothing but the best for him. Id like to turn this around but don't think we will be able to without the support of BD. Thoughts?