I have a blended family- my partner and I each have a kid from a previous relationship. We became a couple 8 years ago, when my son was 3 and his daughter was 1. I won't lie, it wasn't always the easiest transition. My stepdaughter is a far more high-needs and high-energy kid than my son, and in the early days when I took responsibility for her I felt like I might have a mental breakdown.

Most concerning to me, I just didn't bond with her right away. I dreaded her time with us. She was a loud, messy, crazy presence in my household. It was hard to enjoy her for more than a couple minutes at a time. It was very difficult and I questioned whether I wanted to be in a relationship with my partner because I just could not bring myself to be excited about his kid. But I really love my partner and always have- so I decided to stick with it and just do the best I could for the situation.

So every time my stepdaughter was with us, often through gritted teeth, I would try to make the most of it. I coloured with my stepdaughter, and read books to her. I took her to the park and pool. I sat with her and watched cartoons. I hugged her and brushed her hair. I'd paint her nails, or build Lego towers with her, or help her dress her dolls and brush their hair. I would say I love you.

At first- for a long time- it felt forced. It was really tough. For a long time she felt like the kid of one of my friends- a child to look out for, to be fond of, but not a child I necessarily loved. But slowly but surely, we began to bond. We found activities we liked to do together- 'fancy' tea parties, crafts, dress up, swimming. She likes having bright hair colors and she always comes to me to do it for her- never her mom or grandmas. It took years, but eventually we became very close, and I fell in love with her.

The past few years, I've noticed something interesting. Her natural scent is a smell my brain registers as being the scent of 'my' child. When I give her a hug and smell her scalp, she smells like my kid, and I'm filled with loving maternal emotion. I feel compelled to take her hand, to kiss her cheek, to put my arm around her shoulders and give her a squeeze.

I feel fairly practiced at this after such a long time and in retrospect I do feel that my determination to try my hardest to make the best of the situation and engage with her was crucial to the development of our relationship. I know some stepparents who automatically feel connected to their stepchildren but it you aren't one of those, all hope is not lost. Keep trying to be close to your stepchildren and it may blossom into something wonderful.