RANT! I'm in a weird place. I'm afraid my relationship is going south and I don’t know what to do.

Let me say that SO is going through a rough time—unemployment AND navigating first-ever CO. HCBM got pregnant after they were together for four months and it's been unofficially 50/50 for a while. So in addition to juggling unemployment, parenting a 2-year-old, looking for work, SO has to deal with her crazy antics.

Some of you may have heard my situation because I post on here a lot (love this sub), but here is some more info: SO and I have been together for year and a half, fell head over heels after six months long distance, and I moved to his city to be with him. (Also I have friends here and got my dream job within a week of being here, so it seemed pretty perfect.)

For the past year and some change, I’ve been living in a separate apartment but staying over with SO and his son frequently. We're like a little family. There are many greens flags: I love potential SS, SO is funny, smart, communicative, considerate, and we are very sexually compatible. He is all in and I know he loves me dearly. He comes from a rough background and says that me and his son have completely rewired his heart. (His own mom left him and he was raised by a stepmom after his brother died and his dad mentally checked out.)

But lately we have had many problems with how he teases me. I know I am sensitive, but some of it seems so excessive. And he refuses to apologize for it and says that I am trying to censor him, or that he doesn't know the difference between a "playful tease" and a "mean tease." He says his sense of humor is a big part of his identity, which is true, and when he doesn't make jokes at my expense, I love it!

When we first got together, the idea of building a family w/ him excited me and I was willing to navigate the ups and downs of stepping. Or at least explore them and see if it was a fit. But now that our relationship feels wonky, I am more hesitant to tie myself to this family. HCBM is unpredictable and cannot financially take care of herself (mooches of an ex-boyfriend and the government) and SS is sweet, but (and this may sound paranoid), I'm worried that he will adopt some of his dad and mom's features and say hurtful things... which he probably will because kids do but still. That illustrates my fear.

SO is going through a hard time and I want to see him through for a while but I'm also like "WTF? Do you see what I put up with? Be nice to me!" He says he is worried lately that I am "half out" which is sort of true, but I feel like doubts and fear regarding stepping are normal. He's also hurt that I haven't moved in with him yet. And I’d like to move in and take the plunge, I think I’m almost ready—but I don’t want my moving in to be a band aid! I Sometimes he will have these really nice moments of sensitivity when he's like, "you're right, I've been falling short of how you deserved to be treated" and other times he get's so defensive and immediately points out the things I do wrong when I try to tell him something has hurt my feelings.

A part of me is fearful I created this--that I was nervous about stepping that I've been looking for subconscious reasons not to be with SO and that makes me feel terrible. He is a good man, he loves me, he loves HARD, and he does a million good boyfriend things but I cannot ignore that I feel under-appreciated. I have a tendency to give in and apologize first to end conflict — but I’m getting sick of that.

I acknowledge no human is perfect. There are definitely things I can work on as well: SO expressed I don’t ask him about his work / job search enough and so I umped my anti there and he notice and said thank you. We have great dates and moments together still, still lots of love. We’ve been to couples therapy twice and that feels productive. The therapist points out my paranoia fear and that I am indeed changing my life for SO, so he should be sympathetic toward that.

We are long distance for the next two weeks so I’m hoping some space helps. I’m mostly frustrated with him for not being a good partner right now and making me question everything, but want to give him the benefit of the doubt given this rough time.

TD/LR: Questioning the relationship and would like some perspective to see how to proceed.