Hi there—I've posted on here a few times. New-ish to the co-parenting thing. I started dating my BF about 15 months ago, met his 2YO son almost a year ago.

Since then, I moved to LA to be with him and conveniently was offered a great job that I really like in the process of the move. I moved in March, and since then I've had my ups and downs as to whether or not this relationship is the endgame. (He very much thinks it is.) But I want to be careful—I love him and his son. I think BF is a great partner and helps me with my problems, maintains a good home, and works hard to give his son and myself a beautiful life. We are very compatible (sexually and best friends) and have so much fun together. But there are problems: BM is high-conflict, self-absorbed, and irrational. BF had a rough past and his issues with coping with emotion cause fights between the two of us.

I told myself to see if I could get more comfortable with the situation over time, and sometimes I do! I love his son and I can see us having a blended family together. BF is so sweet and supportive and, as he puts it, ALL IN. He wants to move in together. We were supposed to in October, I decided I didn't want to, and now he wants to try again in the New Year. He made me this huge spreadsheet on why we should live together, how we can split budget (including a travel fund), and how we help me save for a new car. He goes to see my plays and helps me navigate through food problems—I used to have an eating disorder and this can be extremely frustrating for both of us, especially when he cooks a meal and I'm triggered because I don't know how much butter is in it. He does what he can to make it work. I will say that he is going through financial issues, and he assures me this is not the reason he wants me to move in. He wanted me to move in before we had financial issues, so I believe that, but I know he also feels a sense of urgency.

BUT all this aisde, we recently have had another problem. I am home for the holidays at my parent's house, after spending four days in New York City to work and visit friends. (It was not a necessary trip, but my company has an office there.) I was slammed and crazy busy, taking meetings and seeing friends and didn't have as much time to talk to him, nor him me, because of the time difference. The other night, when we finally DID talk, he expressed fear over losing a job. I was drunk and at a friend's house, who was waiting for me, so I brushed it off and told him we would talk tomorrow when I had more time.

He was so upset—saying that I couldn't spare him more than five minutes when I call him with ALL my life problems. Which is true. He has talked me off of so many ledges of anxiety, calmed me in times in chaos, experienced my sensitivities, etc.. (For example, I used to have an irrational fear of being fired from my job and would call him any time I had a panic attack about it. He'd stay on the phone until I felt better.) He said he couldn't trust me to help him emotionally, which really hurt because I want to be that person for him. He also said that "my problems" and "my feelings" all required immediate attention and that I couldn't give him the time of day. He told me he would give me the space "I so coveted" until I had time to these examine parts of myself. When I begged him to listen, he said, "This is what I'm talking about. You're not listening. You want to be heard NOW. You need forgiveness NOW. Please stop calling me until you've given this a hard look."

So I am giving it a hard look. I'm giving him the space he wants and taking the time to reflect on what to do... But it's almost too much and I don't know how to respond / what to do. My mom says this is because he misses me, because I'm not there, and I'm starting to think this is a bigger issue than just me brushing him off. He's right—I should have been more attentive, but I give him so much support. Women in this situation have to! It's extremely selfless to take care of another person's child, especially when you have to see their ex ALL THE TIME. And especially when she is high-conflict.

Upon examining this, I think my resentment toward him and the situation is causing me to neglect him a bit. But he's being really, really mean... And I don't know if I can deal with that.

I don't know what to do. I love him, I want to build a life with him. I want to move in, really I do, but I'm worried he doesn't really see me, or hates the person I genuinely am. He hates that I still want to travel / pursue interests that take me away from him and his son. But to be very honest, I don't want to end the relationship. I'm just afraid it's not going to work.

I'm posting here because I feel so swarmed up in my emotion and the relationship that I need to see this from a third-party perspective. Is he being too demanding? Am I being selfish? Is there hope for us?

Any insight, opinions, or new perspectives would be much appreciated.