I 26 y/o female and my husband 25 y/o male have been together for 4 years and have been friends since middle school. He had a daughter from a high school relationship who will be 8 this year. She is very mature for her age and thinks she is grown. Mostly due to her mother/mother’s family treating her like she is. In their minds she can do absolutely no wrong. Bullying in school, it’s the others kids fault, lying to the teacher and us, she has a hard home life (they mean that she has to go back and forth between parents every week) ect. Which only makes things harder on us as we care what type of person she will turn into in the future.

Now for my personal issues with her.

She feels the right to tell adults what they should or should not do. For example last week we told her that her dad would be picking her up from school that day because i had a doctors appointment since i am 8 months pregnant. I generally pick her up from school since i stay home due to medical complications from my pregnancy. She tells me i should pick her up since i have nothing to do all day anyways and her dad has to work. I politely told her i don’t have to do anything for her. Anything i do for her is out of my love her and her dad but she is to never tell me what i should or should not do. Her father agreed with my statement and also said she should never tell any adult what they should or should not do and what i do through out the day is none of her concern. Even though I’ve had to stop working for the last few months and im pregnant i still make sure she has lunch packed everyday, i cook dinner every night even when im severely sick, i keep the house clean and i still pick her up everyday from school and i don’t have to do anything for her at all because she is his responsibility not mine. He is fed up with her entitlement and self evolved behavior just as much as i am.

Aside from that there have been multiple times she just randomly tells me she doesn’t want me here or that im not her mother. We went to Disney and i wouldn’t let her walk on a high ledge her dad just walked on (she was 4) i was holding her hand and wouldn’t let her get on the ledge and she looks at me and says i hate it when you’re here you don’t let me do the stuff my daddy does. Last summer a kid from her summer camp asked to spend the night and told her to ask her mom referring to me. SD got mad at the little girl yelling “she’s not my mom stop saying that!” I asked her how would she feel if i were to say that and act that way if someone were to ask me if she is my kid and she said she wouldn’t like it. I told her then she knows that was rude not just to yell at that little girl but to me and she shouldn’t do that again. I told her i know im not her mom and i don’t try to be but i do love and take care of her so for her to make such a scene infront of so many people was embarrassing.

The last straw for me was her birthday. I worked so hard to give her the biggest birthday party even hand making all the desserts (I’m a baker) i got her the night before her party and was so excited to surprise her with how great everything turned out. While trying on her birthday outfit that i special ordered i told her “you can tell I’ve always wanted a little girl” she looks me dead in my eyes and says im not your little girl. I told her dad that night i will never bend over backwards for his child again and im done trying to step in and be there for her when this is how im treated. Her mom moved 3 hours away and hadn’t seen her in months at this point. But i have such a big loving heart with kids and i feel bad for backing off from her because we had such a great relationship before all this. I just don’t know what do to. I don’t feel it’s right to hold resentment to a kid but at the same time the things she says and does is so intentional i can’t help how it makes me feel. I don’t want to feel the way towards her and i know she can tell she messed up because she try’s to talk in a baby voice and is starting to call me her mom randomly but i just feel there is no coming back this has been years in the making. Any advice is welcome.