TRIGGER WARNING, SELF HARM

My SO and I have begun the process of qualifying for a mortgage and meeting with a realtor. We were hoping to start serious house hunting this summer. Then BM dropped something big on him. She wants custody of her daughter.

SD is 11, and SO has had custody since she was 7. BM got into legal trouble and did not see her daughter for almost 2 years. It has been a long road of therapy and learning how to parent full time (for my SO, I already have a BD 11).

Lately things with SD have gotten worse. She is lying, takes my things, skipping class, and started cutting herself. She was seeing a therapist, but her therapist ghosted her. Not sure what happened there as BM had set it up. So the search for a new therapist goes on.

Over the weekend BM informed SO that she is looking for a house with a good school district, and that "a girl needs her mother". It may work out better for SD to live with her mom, but that also puts us in a bad financial situation if we have to pay child support. We may not even be able to afford the rental we are in if that happens. BM has not once paid us child support, but I bet she will go for the max. I want what is best for SD, but I have my own daughter's financial welfare to worry about. I know it is selfish, but I don't want our finances to be worse!

Because of this conversation that is happening, I am putting a stop to the house hunting. It breaks my heart, because BD has no friends in this school district, and we want to move to a different neighborhood to increase our quality of life. I feel so much fear, anger, and guilt for being so selfish.