So, like, I'm the definition of a person who mixes and matches things I believe in. Well, I guess I used to be that. It's been more than a decade since I read anything of merit in the spiritual realm of thought. I mostly studied Zen Buddhism, the Abrahamic religions, and esoteric fields like alchemy and the occult. I think it's safe to say, in my drug-addled early twenties, I probably believed everything at least one time or another.

But, where am I going with this? I wanted to paint the road I've traveled since my semi-serious studies to reach where I stand today, a wholly liberated woman who has awakened to the full potential of the light within me. I'll give you the abridged version, as I just finished writing a book about my experiences last night. (OMG I can't believe I can say that! I wrote a book! It's so cool!)

Ok, so this spiritual odyssey of mine starts with an acid trip. This was seven years ago, and for the bulk of that sans the last year, I believed the CIA was training me to complete a mission. I believed that so much I wound up joining a cult, who drugged me and made me say I was antivax and learn how to get sexual gratification from eating a pie after doing blood magick off the side of Main Street. It was fucking weird, to say the least.

Then I cut into my arm to escape and wound up homeless for the next three years. Best thing for me. Not only did those experiences on the street cure my cluster b personality disorders, but they helped mitigate the bipolar aspect of my schizoaffective disorder. I'm happier, calmer, and more in tune with the vibe of things, but I'm also kinder, more socialized, and more moral. Also the crows gave me commands to follow them around. The CIA really wanted me to mention that for some reason.

Now, across these six years of what you can call a psychotic break but I call a divine mission from God, I wound up believing a host of different beliefs. The cult in particular fucked with my head sonething fierce; I thought aliens were giving me a psychotronic lobotomy at one point. But, what I'm saying is that I relinquished control of myself thinking I know how this whole shebang works and I adapted my framework in real time. I got to see what tenets and axioms work best for me, and that's more valuable than a case of licorice on a deserted island!

See, through this whole process, I unconsciously did something to myself. The fancy way to say it would be to say that I perceived and undid the karmic fetters that bound me to the existence-illusion complex. The simple way to say it is to say I unlearned what has been learned. This is the key to solving the entire human condition. I'll explain. 

We're all born with incomplete hardware. Our giant ape brains can barely fit through the birth canal as it is. But, we still develop software on that incomplete hardware; we build a framework from rudimentary elements of our environment and make do so we don't become saber tooth tiger breakfast. But, therein lies the problem of our species: we finish developing our hardware but we retain our old operating system, as buggy as it might be. This might be fine if our brains were capable of sorting that ish on our own, but thanks to our little friend the ego, everything still feels like we have a complete understanding of what we think we know when in reality the wisest among us know that we know nothing, because them aliens boy, let me tell you!

Anyways, since I know nothing, this post is over. No, I'm just kidding! I know how to wipe my butt just as I know what it was that bestowed this knowledge unto me. It was the God damned CIA! Ok, you don't believe me, fine, but the experiences I had were what fundamentally changed me. That's the key to awakening: novel experiences!

If you're living the same old life day after day, you'll never have a real, life-altering epiphany. I say that like I say you'll never win the lottery. Sure, you could win, but the math is on my side. So, basically what I'm saying is you need to shake things up in your life, majorly. Go on a pilgrimage, or just travel to new places, local and foreign. Create and consume authentic art. You're doing good so far reading my looney emanations. And last but not least, take some psychedelics. In the words of Terence McKenna, "Take it easy, man, but take it."

…did I really just quote Terence McKenna? I mean, I learned a lot from his lectures and books a decade ago, but I thought I was past this. Hell, I started this post with a whole different direction planned; I originally wanted to talk about how quoting gurus and spiritual texts is so lame hand because, even if you don't believe you do, you can teach that wisdom better to a prospective student using your own reasoning and deductive capabilities to at least enhance the quote in question. Then I go ahead and quote the Mickey Mouse of psychedelics and new age whatnot.

Well, I'm going to crawl into a hole right now and die. Nah, just kidding! Enlightenment is not a continuous good trip, but it's pretty damn nifty to be at peace this much. I want you to know this. Walk down a new road everyday and eventually you'll be able to navigate to any destination.