I finished up my first year of college back in may. I feel like I’m living in a state of chaos. I went to school in New York City, the most chaotic of chaotic. I’ve had a constant voice in my head telling me everything I’ve done was wrong and I’m living with a lot of guilt and regret.

I’m not my own friend anymore. I feel as though I’m my own worst enemy, and I view myself as worthless. I feel like shit is in a constant perpetual state of hitting the fan. When I’ve been home I’ve been trying to relax but there’s this voice in my head telling me that my childhood friends aren’t my friends anymore and my new friends at school kinda suck.

I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing. I have a fear of my life being average or boring. I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t know who to trust or who to love or who to look for guidance. I feel like I’m lost in the forest and I wish someone would take my hand. No girl or friend can make my problems go away, learned that one the hard way.

I was seeing a therapist for a couple of months. She was awful. Unfortunately as New York as they come. Didn’t have time for feeling or talking things out and I always felt I was always in the wrong I felt like she was the demon in my head. I just want it all to be okay. I’m tired of this and I can’t keep living in a state of chaos. I don’t know what’s going on with me. Life was so different a year ago and I don’t know how to feel. Thanks. All love. I’ll try to keep my head up for now.