I came out in my early-mid 20s and have always been able to enjoy sexual experiences and have never had a bad experience (thankfully). I'm approaching my mid 30s and have not had anything more than a hookup (with less than a handful repeating). I don't follow a religion but always have been spiritual in general.

As I got older, I noticed these were always one off, and wondered if there was something wrong with me. Even when I felt some attraction or there was a follow up, for some reason we never met again (e.g. they were visiting, they met someone else, etc). As I got older, the reasons became more complex e.g. they were already married (seems open relationships are common as a gay man in a city) or otherwise, and I pulled away as this is not the setup I want (as a single man looking for my man).

Even when I try dating apps etc, I get a lot of matches (which means my profile / physically there is nothing 'wrong') but I've never really actually gotten a coffee even with someone because 'something' will happen to 'prevent' us from meeting. It sounds crazy but it is true.I did all the usual things: go to therapy, focus on myself, meditation, make friends, see if I am asexual etc (I'm not), focus on my hobbies etc but still nothing really changed. I tried hypnosis, a tantric to see if any energy was blocked etc and while all things things helped a little, my fundamental results didn't change. I even tried relocating and starting fresh but had the same result. Everyone who meets me says 'I will be taken within a month' or something similar, so this all to me means there is some disconnect between the universe and people's perception of me.

I find it hard to believe all these men were 'bad' (infact, many are in other relationships and/or married now). More recently, there was a (single) guy who perused me, it did go a bit further i.e. we met more than once, but again post sex he distanced himself. He recently reached out explaining he pulls back when he thinks someone may catch feelings because he doesn't want to hurt their heart, so the distance was on him, and I'm a good person that he doesn't want to mislead. In many other cases, long distance, open, fwb's etc would have still been an option, but it is almost like they detect this is not a match if we can't be partner's and therefore keep me at arm's length for my (or their?) own benefit. This has happened a handful of times before where it was clear they were catching feelings but held back.

I truly believe the universe gives you what you need, not what you want. I can clearly see this from my own career over the years. It was my dream to relocate and live in NY, and earn big $, but the initial route I was going through was not right for me, so the universe took me on another path and I still attained those things but in a 'better' way (because I also gave into what the universe had in store for me). So I really do believe in manifestation if its deep within your heart.

This is a rather extreme situation though, but I do wonder if the universe feels I'm just not ready even to date, or perhaps this path isn't for me and therefore protects me so severely against it? I guess if this is the case, I am confused how to grow and become 'worthy' for the universe to send something my way? Or how do I figure out what my next step is here?