Hi all! Just wanting to gain some advice/insights or life experiences on similar situations and what you guys might have done differently etc!

So I'm currently on the threshold between growing in a more functional and positive and balanced light but I consistently feel extremely pulled back into drama, toxicity and all that manipulative energy due to me still living with family and them all encompassing everything in humanely possible except to the extent of physical abuse. I've done the best I can in the past 10 years to influence otherwise but it's.... essentially impossible. I've since given up but as a part of me is as toxic as they are - I don't exactly know where and how to find people whom might understand and would still want to help me grow out of this together with them. Not just a paid relationship but one that's actually sustainable for the long run and where all parties do wish for growth and truth and living from the heart on earth. I feel like the people I am still bound to encounter are those caught up in the rat race and whom are kind but aren't willing to grow out into their potential. But I've had enough of that, and now though I feel a deep presence with me every step of the way - i just don't ever want to go back down to that level again - it's just not worth it but I can't simply disown myself and my family either for I do still love them. I just simply cannot afford to be influenced by them any longer. Not when I know something else is most definitely possible.

Living away from them is currently not possible as I do not have the funds to do so and Singapore is getting more expensive to live in by the day. I'm just tryna reach out as much as possible to people who do seem to know what they're doing in life.

I don't exactly know where to start since I've lost most of my friends (pretty much all since most don't really wanna hang with me anymore for some reason, tends to happen everytime I grow another level - makes me wonder if I'll ever have soul friends really) as well and though I know who I am now - I don't really.... know where to find my sense of belongingness anymore. Tryna find that in the spirit realm sometimes feel like I should be dead on that level lol.

P.S. I'm always going in/out of Malaysia and don't speak malay and it's very different to SG and hence most times there isn't any sort of social event happening here as much as in Singapore.... but being in Singapore means triple the toxicity as everyone is screaming vulgarities and degrading one another daily as well as inhumanely treating one another....