Hello everyone, I don't have a particular goal from this post but had to just get my mind clear.

Recently I began a mistress/caregiver dynamic with a wonderful woman here from Reddit (all messaging stayed here). We were talking all day, learning about each other, sharing out successes, lots of tasks given and "good boy"s for me when completed. Despite the distance between us, we had movie nights together timing them to match and talking throughout. We weren't in a "relationship" at least yet, had agreed to just let things proceed as felt natural, but I was developing some attachment. Maybe that's my own fault but it felt like everything was so good.

Woke up today to a message saying that she was sorry to do it and I didn't deserve it, but she was going to get offline completely in response to onset of depression. I don't want to put on any blame or cause feelings of guilt because I've had my own mental health issues for years, but it still hurt to wake up to that message and see her Reddit account already deleted, our communication therefore done as we'd never exchanged other info for contact. I didn't get to properly say goodbye and it feels bad.

I sincerely hope that she does well going forward and finds the peace of mind she needs, but I'm just left here feeling like I've been left behind or that I wasn't a good enough boy. She clearly stated that wasn't the case but I have a history of friends disappearing out of nowhere even after several years of friendship and it doesn't get any easier when it happens.

Thanks for listening to me just put my feelings out. I hope all the gentle caregivers and good boys here have all the happiness in the world and I hope that after I've taken a short time to let this rest that I might come back and find that same joy as well.