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Afraid of going back to work every week.
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Hate to tack on a negative post tonight, but need to vent.

I work as a supervisor for a small program in a large agency. The program has been fledging for sometime due to unfortunate timing with several necessary staff under and above me leaving. As a result I had to take the reigns of direct service in the field (as I was the only licensed provider left) and take on more leadership duties that I am only minimally qualified for due to my experience and the time constraints of my other responsibilities. I'm also a mother, without a ton of support who had a bad deal with consistent childcare this year. I was late to work a lot, but was entering my time on my own but did so as a full day. Previous supervisors never had a problem with my entering my time this way (although noted to improve my punctuality to model better behavior for subordinates). Recently a new supervisor came on and noticed the way I was entering my time- the supervisor whether they mean it or not are very intimidating and I felt so nervous that my response wasn't great and I ended up getting written up. This meeting coincided with my situation at home getting easier and I have been only a little late or right on time/early ever since. I also have a direct supervisor who maybe would be more understanding, but I'm on this other supervisor's radar and they are continuing to review my time sheets. I also feel like in general due to the programs poor performance and some compliance issues (its unclear if they are actually issues, but now I'm being micromanaged in a way I wasn't before and its intense) I'm being blamed/in the hot seat. I asked for support and support staff all year, but due to turnover I just feel like I'm being primed as a scapegoat. Everyday something comes up that I should have done or done wrong. I feel super stressed and scared of being fired every day. I learned my lesson in not spelling my situation out to this new supervisor. I also acknowledge I need to be more careful with time. I've been under stress and exhaustion for a long time, but now I'm feeling paranoid and scare, with a target on my back. It's just an awful feeling.

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5 years ago