Most people I chat with hate small talk. It feels weird, you can pretty much predict where it’s going to go, and nobody has ever made a meaningful connection from talking about the weather.

I felt the same way, but I realized it was because of who I am fundamentally as a person.

One of my flaws is that I am a perfectionist. I want to get from 0 to 100 as cleanly and efficiently as possible. Naturally, when I think about wanting alto connect with someone, my mind is prone to flitter with thousands of ways to make that happen.

Small talk is never one of them!

But the issue I would run in to is getting to those deeper parts of conversation.

I’ve learned that the purpose of small talk is not to connect with someone. It’s purpose is to give you the opportunity to connect with someone.

I think of it like playing guitar. Every song begins with one note. That note played in isolation is boring. That note played over and over again is boring. But, that note opens the door to other notes to be played and create a beautiful song. Small talk is just the first note.

Now, with that said I’ve learned how to make my small talk worthwhile. Instead of hammering on the same non-committal subjects over and over again (I.e. playing the same note repeatedly) I’ve learned to jump into the melody by showing my personality early on (it also acts as a vetting process for those whom probably won’t like me to begin with).

Example that happened recently when I was ordering at a cafe:

Me: Hey how’s it going? (Regular small talk)

Barista: I’m good, what can I get you?

Me: <Read the menu and see something new> What is a boozy shake?

Barista: It’s like a milkshake but we add your choice of mead into the mix.

Me: <Gives a look of faux-suspicion> Was this your idea? Give you an excuse to get liquored up at work?

I’ll spare you the rest, but you get the idea.

Point is small talk opens the door - that’s it! Accept that and you’ll see the value of it.