Things fuck up and fuck up again. Self esteem comes and goes again and again. Boredom and happiness stars a fight for a little event, just a quick conversation, boom my day is ruined/amazing

I ask myself, how old I am, can I still change my core personality?

I see a confident person. I observe, what does he/she does better than me? Then I try to protect my personality and change it at the same time. I feel like I am slowly losing the real me.

I realize my mistakes. Then I realize they are actually not mistakes.

I see people who don't see socializing as even a thing. It's just a side of their personality and lives. I wonder if they ever tried to be more social. But they just flow. People like them, they become popular.

Advices are like "don't care about people, don't be needy" I was like that, I know it doesn't work. An introvert is the nirvana of this.

I'm stuck.